For a man who famously “cannot speak”, José Mourinho invariably has plenty to say. During his pre-match press conference the day before Fenerbahce’s Bigger Vase game against Manchester United, he cut a relaxed figure who seemed to be enjoying his reunion with his former muckers from the English press pack. And why wouldn’t he? Especially when so many of them can be replied upon to greet his staggeringly unfunny gags with the kind of sycophantic, excessively loud and undeserved laughter you only ever hear at such events.

A handful of them went on to chronicle the encounter in the kind of glowing terms that could only have been more fawning if they’d been written or broadcast by Bambi. And while Mourinho may no longer be among the world’s elite managers, he remains second to very few when it comes to charming curiously obsequious broadcasters, hacks and football fans, the kind who continue to describe him in glowing terms as “a character,” but seem to have forgotten that he can be an extremely unpleasant one.

Before last night’s 1-1 draw in Istanbul, Mourinho made sure to talk up the visiting side as if it were Lord Ferg’s Treble winners who were coming to town, rather than the worst United team ever seen by anyone who has been watching football for the past 30 years. It was a tactic straight from the tried and trusted Mourinho playbook and meant whatever the outcome of the match, he would be able to spin it as some sort of victory for his team. And so it came to pass when, upon being asked if in a post-match interview if he was happy his team had got a point against a club that sacked him for being only marginally less rubbish than the bloke currently in charge, he insisted “they got a point against us, not us against them”.

Having taken an age to leave the touchline after being sent to the stands by the referee, Clément Turpin, for protesting an entirely correct decision not to award Fenerbahce a penalty for what he perceived to be a foul by Manuel Ugarte on Bright Osayi-Samuel, Mourinho offered his thoughts on the French referee’s decision to show him a red card. “He told me something incredible,” he said. “He told me at the same time he could see the action in the box and my behaviour on the touchline. I congratulate him because it is absolutely incredible, his peripheral vision. During the game, 100 miles per hour, he had one eye on the penalty situation and one eye on the bench and my behaviour. That’s the explanation he gave me, and that’s why he is one of the best referees in the world.”

Having sarcastically trashed the French match official – just the latest referee to have incurred Mourinho’s entirely unjustified hectoring – the Portuguese was asked if he’d had a chance to review the correct decision he’d railed against. Tellingly, he stopped short of accusing Turpin of highway robbery, presumably because he knew he didn’t have a leg to stand and deliver on. “I watched the incident, I do not speak about the incident,” he said, having already made his feelings on it and other matters tediously clear.

Join Xaymaca Awoyungbo for live women’s friendly updates from England 2-2 Germany (7.30pm BST) at Wembley, while Scott Murray will cover Leicester 0-0 Nottingham Forest (8pm BST) in the Premier League.

“I’m delighted to be back working in football after a period out of the game. I wanted to get back into it if the right opportunity arose which, with this opportunity, I feel is the perfect fit for me. I was delighted to engage with a club like Swindon Town, a club I know a lot about due to my location and knowledge of the local area” – Ian Holloway is back in the managerial game and hoping his grasp of the M4 corridor can rescue the ailing Robins, who are 22nd in the League Two table.

“Re: The Battle of the Buffet [Thursday’s Football Daily]. Cesc Fàbregas says he threw a pizza because he ‘wanted to bring something to the table’. I see what he did there” – Jussi Keinonen.

“Maybe, just maybe Football Daily could stop trolling Arsenal fans and try to do some journalism for a change. Today’s email was 100% trolling … [snip – Football Daily Ed] … and let’s bash Arsène Wenger in the week of his 75th birthday for the crime of not liking to see his players kicked off the pitch” – Arsène Weng William Ireland.

“Recently when I open my super, throwaway tea-time email, the page goes blank but reappears a couple of minutes later. Can you get your tech bods to remedy this? The reappearing, I mean” – Peter Storch.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Jussi Keinonen, who lands a Football Weekly scarf. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

August 2023: “I believe this is a great opportunity for me, to experience football in a new country. I made history in Europe, now is time to make history with Saudi” – Roberto Mancini is appointed as Saudi Arabia’s new manager until 2027, trousering a reported €25m-a-year deal.

October 2024: “The board of directors of the Saudi Football Federation and the coach of the national team, Roberto Mancini, reached a joint agreement today which ends the contractual relationship” – Mancini heads through the Door Marked Do One after seven victories in his 18 matches in charge.

Erik ten Hag is blaming injuries for Manchester United’s malaise after their Bigger Vase draw with Fenerbahce. “Because when you don’t have the players available, you can’t line up the best team,” he wailed. “And that is what’s holding us back at this moment.”

Eddie Howe has told Alexander Isak to forget about a new contract, and concentrate on playing football. “Alex can only help his situation by playing well,” roared Howe. “For contract renewals, there’s a knock-on effect for PSR,” he added, as Anthony Gordon rolled past with a newly-minted deal under his arm.
Carlo Ancelotti is giving Kylian Mbappé the dreaded vote of confidence ahead of his first clásico. “We aren’t in a hurry, and neither is he,” tooted Don Carlo of a player who has scored only six goals in nine Real Madrid matches so far. “Obviously he’ll do better, because he has all the qualities to do better.”

Meanwhile, Paris Saint-Germain will take their wage dispute with Mbappé to court after the French football league’s governing body, LFP, ruled in favour of the France captain, who is seeking around €55m in salary and bonuses from his former club.

And hooray for Tin Pot! The New Saints have made history, becoming the first Welsh Premier League side to win a European group match after seeing off Kazakh outfit/pro cycling team Astana on a heady night in Shrewsbury.

The new David Squires book, Chaos in the Box, is out on 5 December and you can order your copy now, now, now.

There can be few gloomier away days this weekend than the seven-hour round trip for Inverness Caledonian Thistle fans, as their team face Dumbarton in the Scottish third tier on Saturday. After going into administration this week, Caley have been docked 15 points and sit on -3, 12 points adrift of their opponents. Manager Duncan Ferguson, who had been working for free this season, was sacked on Wednesday – a blow worsened by the club then releasing his son, Cameron, on Thursday. It’s a sorry situation for a team who won the Scottish Cup in 2015, got to the final in 2023, and are responsible for perhaps the best football headline of all time.

Here’s 10 things to look out for this weekend, including a reunion for Steve Cooper and a defensive dilemma for Mikel Arteta.

There’s plenty of blame to go around at West Ham, as Jacob Steinberg picks through the problems at the London Stadium.
In an extract from the book How to Win the Premier League, former Liverpool laptop guru Ian Graham reveals the process behind signing Roberto Firmino.

Can Lionel Messi and Inter Miami be stopped? Our USA USA USA writers run the rule over the MLS playoffs.

Manchester City host Southampton at the Etihad Stadium on Saturday, so let’s rewind to May 2003, when the Saints were the last ever visitors to Maine Road on the final day of the Premier League season. In what felt like a fitting farewell, the hosts lost 1-0 as Southampton leapfrogged them into eighth place in the final table. City began the next season at their new home in Eastlands, and the rest is history.