Borussia Dortmund and Real Madrid are preparing to battle it out in the pinnacle of European football on Saturday night at Wembley, in front of 25,000 sponsors supping on pints of Gazprom and a handful of supporters from each club. This will be the end of Big Cup as we know it. After decades of appeasing the suits without causing too much harm to the competition, it seems Uefa has finally reached an end game when it comes to all that is logical with football.

MORE TEAMS! MORE GAMES! MORE MONEY! Let us all rejoice in the new Big Cup format that will hit fans in the pocket, knacker the players further and, by the time 31 May 2025 comes around, leave the Allianz Arena to witness something even more tedious than Tin Pot final this week. The groups are gone; instead 36 true champions will enter the league stage from September to play eight matches. We could bore you with the full details but Uefa can do that.

What happens when no one turns up to a mid-January clash between Manchester City and Copenhagen because few have the cash or desire to watch? Naturally, it will be the supporters’ fault for not forking out extra cash because that is how football works. The glorious nature of Big Cup cannot be questioned. Then the players will be sent off to the Big Club World Cup for even more fun, allowing someone to feather their already cosy nest watching on in the USA USA USA under the blistering sun, but do not worry: BIG BEER will get their logo all over the shop to make the planet a better place as the players try their hand at walking football.

Some fans will see it as a pilgrimage, travelling to Baltimore and watching Manchester City play Auckland City in late-June for a match players will not want to be a part of. Fifpro, the global organisation that represents 65,000 professional footballers, says the calendar is causing “dangerous mental and physical fatigue” and players could go on strike in protest at the strain they are being put under. Footballers are paid well so therefore have no opinions on the matter. The cost to the consumer, the client and the legacy fan is the scrapping of FA Cup replays (for some reason from the first round). They are sold the loss of tradition as necessary in order to protect the elite competitors but everyone knows the real winners in all this. So enjoy Big Cup final before the last ounce of joy is sucked out of a once-great competition.

Join Emillia Hawkins from 8pm BST for MBM coverage of England 0-0 France in their Euro 2025 qualifier.

“I felt sorry for Roy. Just because of the fact you’ve come to work, to do your job and you’ve been assaulted. I could see he was physically shaken up. You do what any friend would do, or any colleague, step in and try to help the situation. It was a surreal moment. We weren’t going to a UFC match. We were at work” – Micah Richards tells court he “grappled” with Scott Law, the man who is accused of headbutting his punditry partner Roy Keane inside Arsenal’s Emirates stadium. The trial continues.

Thanks to our friends at the Guardian Print Shop, we’re giving away more David Squires cartoons. To enter, just write us a letter for publication below. We will choose the best of our letter o’ the day winners at the end of each week and that worthy winner will then get a voucher for one of our cartoonist’s prints. And if you’re not successful, you can scan David’s full archive of cartoons here and buy your own. Terms and conditions for the competition can be viewed here.

If we are talking about the re-saleable variety in managers as action figures (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) then Roy Hodgson has a huge amount of incarnations. There’s Gentleman Roy for his general demeanour, Adventurer Roy for his varied career, Sailor Roy for his approach to scouting opponents, Bus Driver Roy for his approach to tactics and Maverick Roy for when he occasionally surprises. You could also have a Sidekick Ray toy as another potential revenue stream” – Andy Gill.

May I, along with 1,056 other Italians, shudder at the thought of foreign referees being parachuted in (yesterday’s Still Want More, full email edition), especially if any of them come from Ecuador! Yes, this particular flame of bitterness burns forever!” – Giordy Salvi (and no other Italians).

In yesterday’s Memory Lane photo (full email edition) of England’s 2004 Euros training camp go-karting, was anyone surprised to see David James going the wrong way?” – Alan Giles.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is …. Andy Gill, who joins the other winners from this week for a chance to win a David Squires cartoon from our print shop. And our letter o’ the week winner is … Darrien Bold. We’ll be in touch. Terms and conditions for all this can be viewed here.

A year after Fleetwood Town chairman and director Andy Pilley stepped down after being sentenced to 13 years in jail for selling fraudulent energy contracts, his son Jamie Pilley has completed a takeover of the club. “The EFL has now determined the proposed acquisition has satisfied all requirements under rule 10 of the Owners’ and Directors’ Test,” whooped a club statement. “All at Fleetwood Town would like to place on record their overwhelming thanks to Andy Pilley for an incredible 20 years as owner of the club.”

Monaco midfielder Mohamed Camara has been banned for four matches after covering up anti-homophobia logos on his shirt.

On-loan Dortmund forward Jadon Sancho says it feels surreal to be playing in Big Cup final after his spell at Manchester United. “It’s crazy, I don’t think anyone would have expected this, especially where I came from,” he cheered.

Much of the pre-match talk for Real Madrid has centred around who will start in goal, but now it looks like flu will make Carlo Ancelotti’s decision for him, meaning a likely return for Thibaut Courtois.

West Ham are in talks with Palmeiras over a deal to snaffle £25m-rated teenage attacker Luis Guilherme.

Michelle Heyman’s last-gasp leveller in a 1-1 home draw with China means Matildas boss Tony Gustavsson faces some tricky questions before he chooses his flamin’ squad for the Olympics.

In: Tim Walter is the new man at the helm of Hull City.

Out: Burton Albion manager Martin Paterson has done one.

In: Barrow have appointed Stephen Clemence as their boss.

And – hoo boy, you’ll like this – also potentially in: Fenerbahce are said to be moving for the ultimate Süper Lig wildcard … José Mourinho.

Five-time Big Cup winner Gareth Bale mixes things up by talking Real Madrid first and golf second in this chat with Ewan Murray.

Unwanted by Erik ten Hag, Jadon Sancho could be a Big Cup winner on Saturday evening. Andy Brassell looks at the winger’s redemption arc.

Lucy Bronze, one of the greatest Lionesses, returns to familiar territory in England’s double header against France, as Suzy Wrack explains.

Will it take England winning Euro 2024 for Gareth Southgate to stay on? David Hytner on whether this will be the manager’s last tilt at international glory.

And while Jamie Carragher is now a star turn on CBS’s Big Cup coverage, the ex-Liverpool defender turned pundit reveals there were concerns whether American viewers would understand his scouse accent.

To the Netherlands training camp in Nyon before Euro 2000, where Pierre van Hooijdonk eats a herring the “classic” Dutch way. Apparently a Dutch fish seller flew in the fish on the first day of the so-called “new” herring season. Aside from some potentially dubious breath, it didn’t help Van Hooijdonk find the target during the tournament, although the co-hosts did get to the semis, before losing to Italy in disappointing fashion on penalties.