When it was reported last Friday that Nottingham Forest owner Evangelos Marinakis had been landed with a five-match stadium ban for “improper behaviour” around the tunnel area following their defeat to Fulham last month, Football Daily can’t have been alone in wondering what exactly it was the Greek businessman could have done to merit such a hefty punishment. Considering Nuno Espírito Santo and Morgan Gibbs-White had received shorter bans on the same day for slinging a few effs and jeffs at match referee Josh Smith and his team of match officials, it turns out Big Vange’s suspension was imposed for the similar – but crucially very different and far more serious – crime of gobbing off in their direction.

Let the match official take up the story. “As I walked down the tunnel at the end of the match, [Big Vange], the owner of Nottingham Forest was stood on my left-hand side at the end of the tunnel,” he wrote in his match report. “As I walked past him, he spat on the floor next to my left foot. This was also seen by [assistant referee] James Mainwaring and [fourth official] Tim Robinson.” He may have been working on the assumption that nobody was going to buy any argument that hocking up a loogie and expectorating near someone’s feet is a traditional way of greeting around the docks of Athens, but the shipping magnate instead chose to mount a defence that was found “completely implausible”.

He smokes cigars, his defence read. They make him cough, it read. Those coughs contain phlegm, it read. “If he has to spit, he spits in a tissue if one is available, or on the floor if he does not have one available. Sometimes when he coughs spit or phlegm can go to the floor,” it read. “On the day of the incident he was suffering from a hacking cough. He was taking lozenges. As the officials approached he felt a cough coming and he coughed on the floor, down and to his right which was away from the path the officials were taking. He fails to see how coughing [where spit or phlegm can come out from any person] towards the floor in a relatively crowded tunnel is misconduct.” Despite this testimony and quite apart from the fact that the tunnel in question would have been considerably less crowded if a certain someone had been enjoying the comforts of his owner’s box, the independent regulatory commission also pored over what footage of the incident was available and arrived at the conclusion that Big Vange was being less than forthright.

“We are of the view that the footage does not support the suggestion [Big Vange] coughed,” it declared, having studied the City Ground equivalent of the Zapruder film. “Typically, if someone was about to cough, common decency demands that one covers one’s mouth. We are sure [Big Vange] would have covered his mouth if he was about to cough as someone was approaching in the opposite direction. We are sure that [Big Vange] would have covered his mouth if he was about to cough as someone was approaching in the opposite direction. Alternatively, he could have turned away. In our view the footage does not suggest he turned away at all.” So far so grassy knoll, although it didn’t stop the commission concluding that Big Vange “deliberately spat in a disrespectful and disgusting display of contempt towards the match officials” before deciding that his serious misconduct deserved a severe punishment to act as a deterrent. A five-match stadium ban for the Halls Mentho-Lyptus-sucking big man it is then; a tariff that is certainly not to be sneezed or – heaven forbid – coughed at.

Join Rob Smyth from 8pm BST for hot Big Cup minute-by-minute coverage of RB Leipzig 1-2 Liverpool, while Will Unwin will be clockwatching the rest of the night’s action as it happens around Europe.

“I think he was outstanding. The lads are joking about ‘Tiger Tanaka’, who was a Bond villain in one of the best Bond films. They call him ‘Tiger Tanaka’. But after the game today I’ve labelled him ‘James Bond’. He was unbelievable. He saved the world today” – Leeds boss and You Only Live Twice fan Daniel Farke hails summer signing and Japan midfielder Ao Tanaka following his performance in the 2-1 Championship victory over Watford.

As I read Sid Lowe’s article on Luka Modric, I was reminded of a mind-blowing stat that I saw the other day, that Modric has now played in more than half of Croatia’s all-time men’s national games (182 out of 363). He has outlasted legends at Real Madrid, including Karim Benzema, Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale, Sergio Ramos, Marcelo, Toni Kroos, Casemiro and more. That Modric is now 39 and still competing at the highest level, both for club and country, is amazing, and it’s a wonder his name is not brought up as often in discussions about the greats” – Sam Fetherlin.

I know four years is a long time in football but, even still, the change from this to the utterly predictable this with Real Madrid is quite startling” – Noble Francis.

While Arthur Ellis might well have been the ‘man in the middle’ in Berne (yesterday’s Memory Lane, full email edition), this was some years before I was even born. So you’ll have to forgive me (and 1,056 other readers) for remembering the man and his weekly refereeing role in It’s A Knockout. If you can get past Stuart Hall, Arthur adds a ‘smart, aristocratic’ air to the seaside-postcard proceedings. Sadly, 1979 never looked so seedy” – Stephen Gash (and no other readers).

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Stephen Gash, who lands a Football Weekly scarf. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

The new David Squires book, Chaos in the Box, is out on 5 December and you can order your copy now, now, now.

We’re flagging, to be honest. In Ballon d’Or! Ballon d’Or! Ballon d’Or! news, Vinícius Júnior’s hat-trick has him front and centre after Real Madrid beat Dortmund 5-2, despite giving the Germans a two-goal start; the Villa Park bench seats are recovering after a booting from Jhon Durán, briefly miffed at coming off after scoring in Aston Villa’s 2-0 win over Bologna; and the newest name on Arsenal’s knack list is Riccardo Calafiori, who went off in the 1-0 victory against Shakhtar Donetsk. “I don’t know the extent of it, so in that sense not great news,” tooted Mikel Arteta.

The government is preparing to give the independent regulator powers to prevent Premier League clubs selling their stadiums to related or third-party companies. Here’s looking at you, Aston Villa.

Either the Bernabéu in Madrid or Baku’s Olympic Stadium will host the 2027 men’s Big Cup final, while Cardiff’s Principality Stadium is one of four contenders to stage the women’s showpiece that year, alongside the Camp Nou in Barcelona, the National Stadium in Warsaw and Basel’s St Jakob-Park.

José Mourinho is gearing up for a date with Manchester United, who visit his Fenerbahce team in Big Vase on Thursday. “I left with a good feeling for the club and its fans and I want the best for them,” he parped. “If things aren’t going amazingly well for them, it’s not something that makes me happy … they will succeed sooner or later. Hopefully sooner and before, one day, I go back to the Premier League and they become my opponents.”

League One basement-dwellers Burton have given manager Mark Robinson the boot in the wake of their 3-2 home defeat to Wycombe.

And Jack Wilshere is the new first-team coach at Norwich, leaving his role with the Arsenal academy. “As everyone knows, Arsenal is and always will be part of who I am and the club means so much to me,” cooed Wilshere. “However, this opportunity has come at the right time to progress my coaching career within a first-team environment.”

A congested schedule, last-minute venue changes and empty stands all marred the Libertadores Femenina. Júlia Belas Trindade has more in an extract from this week’s edition. And you can subscribe for the full newsletter here.

Which tactics have football teams used to benefit from their pitches? The Knowledge knows, along with news of a brutal finish for Ängelholms FF.

Ben McAleer analyses how Dejan Kulusevski’s position change and speed of thought has become crucial for Spurs.

Joey Lynch explains why the Matildas are at risk of losing their flamin’ shine.

And our nostalgic Serie A five-a-side teams series continues with Sampdoria’s greats from the 1980s and 1990s. Just look at those kits!

Today in feeling old: it’s 10 years to the day that Érik Lamela got his rabona on during Tottenham’s 5-1 Big Vase win over Asteras Tripolis. But equally of note was who ended up wearing the goalkeeping gloves for Spurs …

“It was a great night until I went in goal,” lamented Harry Kane afterwards. “In fairness I think I’ll leave that to the keepers from now on.”