Our brave boys are home from their needlessly long pre-season tours to USA USA USA, allowing us to make decisions on what will definitely happen in the Premier League this season via the classic editorial concept of ‘five things we learned’.

1) The key element to take from friendlies is to find out what does and does not work in order to allow time to correct it before things get serious. Against Manchester City, Chelsea tried tippy-tappy football around the back and gave Erling Haaland three goals because they could not work out who was on their own team, losing the ball repeatedly with the passing accuracy of a drunk toddler. Surely Enzo Maresca will see this as a chronic weakness and change style, deciding that his defenders should just lump it up to a big man in order to get Chelsea back to their best.

2) Speaking of Haaland, he scored five times in the four knockabout games. If he maintains that level of form over a Premier League season, which he undoubtedly will, then the Norwegian will finish up with 47.5 goals by the end of the campaign. Haaland was just getting started in America, laying down the law, showing nothing will stop him except potential knack, competent defences and form, but none of that was evident in the muggy heat.

3) Seemingly without fanfare, Liverpool replaced that Jürgen Klopp bloke with Arne Slot. The Dutchman has led the Reds to three victories in as many matches making them The Invincibles. They gave Manchester United a shooing at the weekend to lay down an early marker in the battle for third place.

4) Speaking of new Dutch managers, Erik ten Hag has an extended contract and unearthed a gem of a player from somewhere in the form of Big Cup finalist and England international Jadon Sancho. It is such a shame he could not have signed him a year earlier as he looks the sort of attacker that could improve a team that finished eighth.

5) Arsenal think they are in the running for the title but showed some worrying weakness Stateside. Despite defeating United 2-1, someone insisted on a penalty shootout, with Ten Hag’s men winning the spot-kick battle. If Arsenal do not wise up once the season begins in earnest and offer opponents the chance the win via a loophole, then they could struggle to mount a serious challenge at the top.

I just read it in the news. I would try to do my speeches at half-time shorter” – Pep Guardiola says stop jabbering on about inverted full-backs for quite so long in his team talks after learning Manchester City have been fined £2m for being late back on the pitch too often.

Re: Memory Lane in Friday’s full email edition. To borrow a joke from the Simpsons, when Ronald McDonald was asked about the time he played football at clown college, he replied ‘I’ll thank you not to refer to Arsenal that way’” – Ed Coutts.

You report the Brighton chief suit as saying that ‘in terms of his contribution on the pitch Pascal [Gross] goes down as the club’s greatest-ever Premier-League signing’ (Thursday’s News, Bits and Bobs). I am forced to wonder if there is a subtle qualification here, with some pre-EPL star the real GOAT. And, indeed, to ask whether any club has valued players for their off-the-pitch efforts. What other contribution is a player supposed to make?” – Trevor Field.

If Emile Smith Rowe wanted to get to Fulham ‘as quickly as possible’, I recommend taking the Piccadilly line from Arsenal to Hammersmith and then the 220 bus, getting off at Kingswood Road, followed by an eight minute walk to Craven Cottage. He should get plenty of change from £34m too” – Peter Shearer.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is Peter Shearer. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Liverpool have told Southampton to do one after the Saints came marching in with a £15m offer for Fabio Carvalho.

Meanwhile, Manchester United watched Carvalho score against them in a 3-0 friendly defeat to Liverpool in the USA USA USA – and to make pre-season matters worse, Ten Hag lost Aaron Wan-Bissaka, Jonny Evans and Victor Lindelöf to assorted knack.

The club are about to add Simi Awujo to their women’s team ranks. The Canada international is expected to pen a three-year deal with United.

In yet more Manchester United-related content, the new shirt sponsor Snapdragon – nope, no idea either – want to plonk their name next to the historic words Old Trafford in a naming rights deal on the stadium. “Old Trafford is Old Trafford, it should always be Old Trafford [or whatever any new stadium name is],” blathered Snapdragon suit Don McGuire. “But if there is a brand attached to that in some way shape or form, powered by someone, an ‘at’ or whatever [it could happen]. For example, this is Snapdragon Stadium at Bashor Field.”

Manchester City unveiled two of their bigger summer signings on Sunday. Vivianne Miedema has joined the women’s team, while Savinho has signed up for the men. “I’m really happy and honoured to be here. I can’t wait to put the shirt on, get on the pitch and show you what I can do,” cooed the Brazilian. “I can see myself as part of this group and I will play my best football for Manchester City.”

Crysencio Summerville’s heart is full of love and desire for West Ham after completing a £25m switch from Leeds. “It’s the perfect next step,” he crooned. “I’m here to help write more history.” And in news that has got Football Daily pumped, Niclas Füllkrug is just a cough for the doctor away from a £27m move to the London Stadium. Imagine what David Moyes could have done with him?

Emma Hayes has guided her USA USA USA team into the Big Sports Day semi-finals after a 1-0 extra-time victory over Japan and then defended her policy of not rotating players. “I’m paid to do this job,” barked Hayes, who has been criticised by people who couldn’t manage their way out of a paper bag for not using her bench more. “I don’t believe we’d have gone through if we’d have made too many changes.”

And Germany goalkeeper Ann-Katrin Berger saved two penalties before coolly slotting home the winning spot-kick herself to help her nation into the last four in Paris. “To put it bluntly, she’s pretty cool,” cooed team director Nia Künzer.

In yet another test of how much people north of the border can take, the beloved Scottish Premiership came back with a bang on Saturday after an 11-week hiatus with … two goalless draws. Rangers handed Celtic the title in May 2025 with a 0-0 stalemate with Hearts. “I always want better and I wanted to win,” mused Rangers manager Philippe Clement. “We were close but I also know we could have lost.” Meanwhile, Motherwell and Ross County finally had their chance to get some much-needed airtime and column inches, but also blew their lines/the ball over the bar.

Sweden defender Anna Sandberg offers firm foundations and hope for a good WSL season ahead for new-look Manchester United, writes Harleen Uppal.

Thierry Henry has repaired his dented reputation as a coach by guiding Les Bleus to the last four at Big Sports Day – and the big France job could be next, reckons Philippe Auclair.

The pattern is familiar. A promising young manager gets a chance with a Championship club, leading them to promotion. And then the financial reality of the Premier League strikes. Jonathan Wilson on Scott Parker and other yo-yo managers.

Increasing diversity among leaders in football is more than a moral priority, writes actual football club vice-chair Jason Stockwood.

And the Premier League season is almost upon us, meaning – uh-oh! – the previews are starting to roll in. Arsenal is first up, followed quickly by Aston Villa.

For some reason Peter Crouch was the go-to person to promote the Kids Zone at Wimbledon on 2 July 2006. Crouch had some spare time. He was part of the England squad that was sent home from the 2006 World Cup after a quarter-final defeat on penalties to Portugal just days earlier.