Manchester City and the Premier League are both claiming victory – of course – after the champions challenged its rules on commercial deals.

As if scoring a goal inside the opening minute of three consecutive top-flight matches wasn’t remarkable enough, the manner in which Brentford managed to do so without going on to win any of the games in question rather beggars belief. The first defeat was understandable, with Yoane Wissa taking the foolhardy decision to hoof the hornet’s nest at the home of the champions after just 23 seconds. And while there was a certain inevitability about the Bees’ ensuing defeat, it did not go unnoticed that Manchester City were reduced to employing the dark arts to help close out the win a whole week before they would accuse Arsenal of inventing time-wasting. Against Tottenham, Bryan Mbeumo took a second less to hook the ball past Guglielmo Vicario in a game Brentford also went on to lose, while the volley he spanked past Alphonse Areola after 37 seconds against West Ham was only be enough to earn his side a draw. Thomas Frank’s side had scored three goals against three different sides inside 90 seconds of combined action but just a solitary point to show for it.

Clearly something had to change and against Wolves, Brentford adopted a different approach, losing the pre-match coin-toss and waiting a full 75 seconds to score pretty much the same goal for the fourth game in a row. Send players forward, get the ball launched and then whack in a cross for whoever happens to be completely unmarked in the opposition penalty area to steer goalwards. Considering the first recorded game of association football was played in 1863, it seems amazing that nobody has ever thought of doing this before. And considering Brentford had scored early goals in their previous three games, prompting forensic dissections of their approach, it seems even more amazing that Gary O’Neil’s Wolves were so totally unprepared for this eventuality.

“We lost the coin-toss,” deadpanned Frank upon being asked what took his team so long to trouble the scoreboard operator. “We’ve been practicing coin-tosses all week and clearly [Christian] Nørgaard didn’t do well enough so it took a little bit longer this time. It’s fantastic, there’s a great mentality in the group.” Of course, one group in which it could be argued there is not a similarly great mentality is that which represents Wolverhampton Wanderers, who currently sit bottom of the Premier League table with one point from seven games. Never one to swing gleefully from the chandeliers even at the best of times, O’Neil was particularly morose following his side’s latest defeat.

Despite describing their 5-3 capitulation as “the worst performance I’ve seen from the group since I’ve been here” and pointing out that “even when we had the ball we were all over the place”, O’Neil was not about to throw any of his charges under the bus. “I accept full responsibility,” he martyred. “Players will make mistakes and get things wrong but the responsibility lies with me.” Whether or not his employers agree, it’s worth noting they sanctioned the sale of two of their best players in Max Kilman and Pedro Neto during the summer, without providing O’Neil adequate replacements and during his post-match musings with some journalists, Mario Lemina mounted a stirring post-match defence of his gaffer. “If you say Gary O’Neil is the problem then you are cheaters and liars,” he declared to bemused hacks, demonstrating considerably more bite than in his 90 minutes on the pitch.

“I’m a huge football fan and definitely a fan of [his]. I’ve not met him yet but I would certainly love to – as well as other sports people who I admire who play chess” – Magnus Carlsen is ready to take to the board against another Liverpool star, after revealing how much he’d like to play Mohamed Salah (here’s what happened when the Norwegian played Trent Alexander-Arnold), but also reveals that his fantasy team isn’t faring so well this season (“it’s horrible”).

The endless letters about letters (Football Daily letters passim) are getting out of hand. I think we need to understand that we’re in a process and that the prizeless letters of the week and the selection of them can only really be judged at the end of the internet. The letter writing and judging processes need time, and no doubt most people involved are knacked. Etc, etc” – Dean Haigh.

I was enjoying the Belfast derby this weekend, except for the sneaking tendency to refer to it as the ‘Bel Clasico’. Please stop. Not everything has to be a pun on ‘El Clásico’. We’ll be calling the Manchester derby the ‘Arndale Clasico’ next, though given one team is full of expensive but shonky tat and the other simply bought everything, this might be appropriate” – Jon Millard.

Allow me to join the 1,057 pedants in pointing out that ‘making [food item]’ (Friday’s letters) is the typical American expression for preparing food to be eaten. The real question of interest here is why Karim Adeyemi, a German footballer who has never (to my knowledge) lived across the pond, is being taught American culinary idioms in English lessons. Almost as if they think Americans are the better cooks” – Harriet Osborn.

An interesting piece on Arsenal’s Paul Davis (Friday’s Still Want More, full email edition). I never realised Bobby Robson had called up the gifted midfielder, because I knew he had no England caps. I worked in Lloyd’s of London and regularly spoke to Robson’s son about who should be in or out of the squad. For several years, I pleaded a case for Davis, only to be told that Robson senior thought he was too slow. I said ‘he’s like Tigana of France’. To no avail, apparently he wasn’t rated. I still remember Davis well and regardless, he should have played for England” – Colin Grant.

I was going to write a disparaging letter about Football Daily having never met my needs so couldn’t possibly lose sight of them, but then I realised I have never hit ‘unsubscribe’ so you must be doing something right. Instead, I’ll thank you for reminding me about A Certain Trigger and the great penultimate song (Friday’s last line, full email edition), and for the hilarious image of Football Daily attempting to be an acrobat” – Alec Johns.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Dean Haigh, who lands a copy of The Football Weekly Book. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Football Weekly merch? Football Weekly merch!

There were touching scenes in Spain at the weekend as players from Espanyol took to the field against Mallorca accompanied by pooches as matchday mascots. The campaign, “Los pericos no abandonado!” (“the parakeets don’t abandon”) helps abandoned dogs find new homes – Pericos being one of the club’s nicknames. Pol Lozano, their midfielder, is now the proud owner of rescue pup Mango and fans are encouraged to do similar. By the way, those canine chums inspired Espanyol to a much-need 2-1 win.

The self-awareness society welcomed new members this weekend after leaders Birmingham lost their first League One match of the season, to Charlton. Blues boss Chris Davies parped: “Charlton spent a fortune. They’ve spent a lot of money on their squad and they’re a good team so there’s no doubt in my mind that there are multiple teams in this league that are well equipped to be successful.” Davies, of course, doubles as the manager of the club that obliterated the League One transfer record with the £15m purchase of Jay Stansfield from Fulham. Earlier, Charlton’s team talk had been carried out by Krystian Bielik’s declaration that Birmingham are “too good” for the third tier. “Very naive,” hooted the Addicks’ manager Nathan Jones. “If I believed I was one of the best-looking guys in south-east London, I’m not sure I would say that going into a beauty contest.”

The FA will pay tribute to anti-racism campaigner Lord Herman Ouseley prior to England’s match against Greece at Wembley on Thursday.

Ange Postecoglou has been getting the full flamin’ Tottenham experience after they capitulated from leading 2-0 to lose 3-2 at Brighton. “It’s unacceptable,” he fumed. “You can kind of understand that you’re not going to win every game. But there’s the manner you lose games. And that’s the first time since I’ve been here that we’ve lost the game in that manner. Like I said, unacceptable. It’s probably the most disappointing loss I’ve had since I’ve been here.”

Real Madrid have given Dani Carvajal a new deal until 2026 after he was ruled out for the rest of this season by a ruptured ACL. “Looking forward to starting the recovery process and coming back like an animal,” he said. “Thank you all for your messages, I feel very loved.”

Also getting a fresh contract, less than three months after posing on social media disgraces making the crossed-arms gesture before an expected move to West Ham: Aston Villa’s Jhon Durán.

France skipper Kylian Mbappé is facing criticism at home for skipping Les Bleus’ Nations League games against Israel and Belgium … while being available to play for Real Madrid. “Either you’re [knacked], and you don’t play with your club and you’re not called up in the national team,” sniffed former France international Maxime Bossis. “But when you come off the bench in [Bigger Cup] and you start a league game, it makes things fuzzy.”

Defeat at home to Liverpool means Crystal Palace are in the Premier League relegation zone but things aren’t much better for their under-21s, who got gubbed 10-0 at Brighton in PL2.

Wayne Rooney faces a spell on the naughty step after being sent off during Plymouth Argyle’s 2-1 Championship win over Blackburn. “Wayne‘s still passionate. He has got that passion,” tooted assistant Pete Shuttleworth.

David de Gea – previously the bloke who let in 11 penalties at a European final before missing his own – is still the bloke who let in 11 penalties at a European final before missing his own … but on Sunday he saved two in the same game.

And Welling United are still trying to work out why the ref put the ‘mare in Weston-super-Mare by awarding a controversial penalty for handball against them in their 3-1 National League South defeat. “That was a big decision that went against us,” understated Wings boss Rod Stringer.

Aston Villa v Manchester United aside – and here’s Jonathan Liew on that abomination – we’ve enjoyed another fun-filled Premier League weekend. Check out 10 of the major talking points here and Jonathan Wilson on the Spursiness’ latest iteration here.

For a midfielder, there are few compliments more flattering than being likened to Luka Modric. Find out who and why in our review of the WSL weekend.

This weekend, Scott McTominay needed just 25 seconds to score more times than Manchester United have in their last three league games, and is Antonio Conte’s Joker. Nicky Bandini reflects on his impact in Serie A.

Heidenheim is not just the name which best fits the chorus of Minnie the Moocher, but a good team in their own right. Andy Brassell has more, along with the rest of the Bundesliga news.

Will PSG’s lack of striking depth ruin their season? Eric Devin thinks it might.

And Antoine Griezmann no longer plays for Les Bleus. Philippe Auclair pays tribute to an underappreciated great.

Pierre Littbarski played for West Germany in the 1980s and 90s as a winger or attacking midfielder, also achieving renown as owner of one of football’s most revered mullets. In the picture, he poses in classically French attire having joined RC Paris from FC Köln in 1986.