St Andrew’s might be an unprepossessing football ground in England’s second city but it has a different name these days: St. Andrew’s @ Knighthead Park. Why is that? Knighthead Capital Management LLC is the investment vehicle of the club’s chairman Tom Wagner, head of an operation specialising in “distressed and high yield companies”. Ah.

Distressed? Sounds about right. Blues are one of English football’s ugly ducklings, a club from a huge metropolis that has won just two major trophies in almost 150 years of existence. With respect to Jasper Carrott, Mike Skinner and Roy Wood, being a Blue seems a grim existence. It’s been a while since Obafemi Martins picked Arsenal’s pockets to snatch the Milk Cup in 2011, yet longer since Villa – yes, Villa – were beaten over two legs in 1963 to win the same trophy. And if Villa, West Brom and Wolves have each had problems, Blues – the club of Gil Merrick, Trevor Francis, Bob Hatton, Ian Handysides, Paul Tait et al – have often been as hopeless as any of them.

High yield? Like a number of Stateside compatriots, Tom Wagner sees opportunities in English football. Knightshead Park reflects the purchase of land around St Andrews for further business activity. “A Key Step Toward Creating a Vibrant Sports Quarter and New World Class Stadium,” as the PR bumph after buying an old racetrack declared. American ownership is no new beast in English football. It has ranged from former New England Patriot Terry Smith at Chester City, which didn’t end at all well, to FSG’s clipped professionalism at Liverpool. There’s Chelsea, too, these days a byword for evangelism for the power of the market. And thus far at Birmingham, it’s been more Chelsea than Liverpool. Last season was the Wayne Rooney experience, 15 matches of failure that not even the influence of another Patriot, Tom Brady, the winningest 3.3% owner helping “the sports science department advise on health, nutrition and recovery programmes”, could prevent.

Wagner took relegation on his shoulders. “Our dedication to the betterment of this wonderful club transcends this unfortunate outcome, anchoring us firmly in our continued ambition for what is to come,” he droned. The solution? To throw more cash at it, £30m – £9m more than Manchester City this summer – on 11 players. The headline event was the League One record-smashing signing of Jay Stansfield for a reported £15m – it may rise to even more – announced via Stansfield poking his head into a social media disgrace post from Cuddly Tom. Fulham fans were waiting on Stansfield to be their homegrown goal-poaching hero, especially when he scored last week at Blues in the Carling Cup. “It’s about business, it’s not a normal number for that type of club,” grumped Marco Silva. Blues boss Chris Davies is in his first job but you may recognise him as former bagman for Brendan Rodgers and Ange Postecoglou. How’s it going? Three wins, one draw, level with equally ambitious Wrexham and Stockport. Keep right on to the end of this road and that high yield might even deliver.

“The book is basically closed. I think that when you’re 26, the ambition should be sporting and not financial. He could have stayed at Ajax, that’s not bad either. And I think they pay pretty well too. Anyway, everyone has a different view and it’s their choice. I personally wouldn’t have made it” – Netherlands manager Ronald Koeman calls time on Steven Bergwijn’s international career after he completed a move to Al-Ittihad. When asked if these were double standards after he named Al-Ettifaq’s Georginio Wijnaldum, 33, in his Euros squad, Koeman replied: “He had problems at Paris Saint-Germain and this was the only opportunity for him to play. In addition, there is a difference in age.”

There’s something suitably apt about Oasis and Manchester City doing a ‘collab’ in the current zeitgeist; rich people and corporate brands that have more money than they will ever need or want, still lowering themselves to pretending that hawking rubbish to people with less money than them is actually about magic and legacy rather than just cash” – Noble Francis.

Sad news for Uruguay fans regarding Luis Suárez’s retirement from international football. That front line will never have the same bite again” – Neil Bage.

I’ve read enough of David Hills’ old Said & Done columns to know that the Manchester United hierarchy’s full-throated endorsement of Erik ten Hag is, in fact, the kiss of death” – Angus Chisholm.

In yesterday’s Memory Lane (full email edition), when you said ‘Viz was still big at the time’, what on earth do you mean by ‘was’? As they say themselves: ‘Viz has been Britain’s third or fourth* funniest magazine for more than 40 years (*possibly fifth). Now well into its fourth decade and suffering from hairy ears, stress incontinence and piles, Viz is firmly established as a national institution, just like Broadmoor Hospital, the DVLA and the Porton Down Chemical Weapons Research Facility.’ Mind you, they have gone downhill since they stopped hiding Jimmy Hill in the cartoons” – JD Laux.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Noble Francis. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

He’s away at the moment, but Chaos in the Box, the new David Squires book, is coming. You can order it now through our bookshop and get a 20% discount.

As the clock ticked down on Premier League deadline day, Victor Osimhen appeared to be out of options. Having been linked with a move to Saudi Arabia all summer, the in-demand striker waited patiently for Todd Boehly’s wallet to fall open at the last minute. But Chelsea were too busy wooing Jadon Sancho, and Osimhen was left at a crossroads. To the left: a one-way flight to Jeddah. To the right: a rickety, smouldering bridge back to Napoli. Osimhen found another way: a shock loan move to Galatasaray. The season-long deal, yet to be announced but teased extensively on various social media disgraces, might actually work for everyone. Gala get a player they could only have dreamt of signing a few days ago; Napoli get an expensive outcast out of Antonio Conte’s way; and Osimhen can finally feel wanted. After all, where else would fans turn up at 3am to greet you at the airport? In Turkey, the Nigerian No 9 will also get something not available to him at Chelsea, Napoli or in Saudi Arabia: Big Vase football. We pity any team unfortunate enough to face Gala in the new “league phase”. What’s that? Oh, Tottenham!

Sven-Göran Eriksson’s funeral will take place on 13 September in his hometown of Torsby, his family has said.

Valencia have confirmed that striker Rafa Mir has been arrested by the Guardia Civil for an alleged sexual assault.

Torino’s Che Adams has withdrawn from Scotland’s squad for the games against Poland and Portugal. But fresh from being given the runaround at Celtic, Rangers midfielder Connor Barron has been given a first call-up.

Oh no! Erik ten Hag has received a vote of confidence from Manchester United suits after the club’s poor start to the season. “Do we still believe in Erik? Absolutely. We think Erik is the right coach for us and we’re fully backing him,” death-knelled United’s chief suit, Omar ­Berrada.

They’ll be dancing in the streets of The New Saints: the club’s striker Brad Young has joined Saudi Pro League club Al-Orobah for a record Cymru Premier League fee of about £190,000.

A tearful Luis Suárez has announced his international retirement after 17 years with Uruguay. “That 19-year old kid is now a veteran player, an older player – however you want to call it – with an incredible history with the national team, that will give his life for the team,” sobbed the 37-year-old.

Northern Ireland defender Jamal Lewis will make the lesser-travelled season-long loan to São Paulo from Newcastle. “When I heard about this opportunity, I immediately told my [Mr 15%] that I wanted to come to Brazil,” he whooped. “It’s an honour to play for a giant like São Paulo.”

And former Raith boss Ian Murray has revealed his shock at being canned by Rovers just one league game into the season. “I was stunned when I received a short call from [chief suit] Andrew Barrowman on the morning after the Airdrie match telling me my contract was being terminated,” he sighed. “I told him I totally disagreed with this decision. But I’ve been in the game long enough to know that despite my record, nothing should surprise you in football.”

In memory of Sol Bamba. By Dominic Booth.

This is also very good from Jonathan Liew on how Chelsea’s maverick transfer dealings inspired his new gnome business venture.

There’s a fresh cog in Slot’s Liverpool midfield. Ben McAleer explains it all.

Changes to the Asian qualifying process offer hope for some different names to reach the 2026 World Cup. Iraq are one of them, as John Duerden reports.

And while the men’s may have slammed shut in most places, the women’s transfer interactive is still properly open for business.

News has reached us that the great Ray Wright sadly passed away last month. Ten years ago, we had a rummage through Offside’s archive of his photos from Goal magazine to see players at home with their families, a theme that Wright was renowned for, including this from 1971: at home with West Ham’s Harry Redknapp, alongside wife Sandra and son Mark.