Can 11 Englishmen be on the same pitch without looking confused?

The debate that used to dominate the hot England narrative was always about whether midfield tyros Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard could work together in the centre of the park. The answer was generally “no” but it still got England to the quarter finals in most tournaments. Thankfully – a difficult word to say, just ask Stephen Warnock – things have moved on and the big question is: can 11 Englishman be on the same pitch without looking completely disjointed and confused?

Plucky England managed to secure a point against Denmark thanks to Harry Kane scoring relatively early before the trademark 70-minute lull in performance, when everyone in white forgot they actually play for good clubs and win trophies, instead wandering around aimlessly like a two-year-old on an Easter egg hunt. No one bothered to close down Morten Hjulmand after he was given the ball through an errant pass, allowing him to ping one into the corner. England managed to hold on to keep themselves top of the group.

Kane, Phil Foden, Bukayo Saka and – whisper it – Jude Bellingham were completely ineffective against the Danes. None seemed to have much of an inkling what the other was trying to do. Dear old Gareth Southgate thought things were so bad he withdrew his front three, sending on players from Aston Villa, Crystal Palace and West Ham. That’s how bad things were. Kane scored 44 goals for Bayern Munich this season, Foden was named PFA Player of the Year thanks to a wondrous season at Manchester City, Saka led Arsenal’s title challenge and Bellingham was integral as Real Madrid won La Liga and the Big Cup, but for England they look like a tired McFly tribute act.

“I think we’re struggling both with and without the ball,” chirped Kane afterwards, a grim description of the incompetence being forced upon a confused nation. Southgate moaned: “We do not have a natural replacement for Kalvin Phillips.” The fact Phillips has barely played for two years might have implied this problem was going to come. They do have Kobbie Mainoo and Adam Wharton, who actually play in the same position, but instead the manager has played a right-back there. Maybe Trent Alexander-Arnold needs to get on the blower to Kal to ask what makes him such a great player. The good news is that, if they beat Slovenia comfortably on Tuesday and get through to the knockout stages, most of this will be forgotten. But if the performances get worse, the Tory election campaign manager may end up feeling glum about another example of failing conservatism.

Join Will Unwin for Slovakia 1-2 Ukraine (2pm BST), then follow Poland 1-2 Austria with Barry Glendenning (5pm) before Netherlands 1-2 France with Luke McLaughlin (8pm) as the Euros continue without mercy.

“Maybe I needed to give them more rest. Probably more days off because we gave them a day and a half [off] and thought that was the right decision after looking at the GPS data, but there was too much of a gulf. We were constantly stretched and never able to squeeze the gaps” – Italy boss Luciano Spalletti blames himself for overworking his players before the 1-0 defeat by Spain and gets us wondering just how far he had them running if they were being measured by a global positioning tracker.

Despite England’s latest pitiful performance, it’s good to see that Big Website’s Countdown winning (on eight consecutive occasions, no less) football writer Jonathan Liew managed to entertain himself by writing a paragraph of his match report without using the letter ‘a’. As it happens, at the same time, I was also so bored out of my mind that I also tried writing about England but without using the letter ‘c’, although sadly I couldn’t get beyond the first line” – Noble Francis.

Watching Slovenia I noticed they have mountains on the shirts as they are quite an alpine nation. Not enough geographical features on shirts in my humble opinion. Maybe England could follow and put rivers full of [beep – Euro 2024 Bad Words Daily Ed) on their shirts?” – Antony Train.

Are you sure Ossie Ardiles (Thursday’s Quote of the Day) wasn’t confused and was actually at, well, any game England has played of late” – Paul Arnold.

Does Gary Neville going to Berlin to act as a pundit for the Euros qualify as one of his mini-retirements?” – Martyn Shapter.

The only thing better than the Swiss fan getting hit in the mush during the Scotland game [Thursday’s letters] is the same clip, with the ‘boing’ bit of the Grandstand theme added” – Jim Hearson.

Send letters to [email protected]. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Jim Hearson, who wins a copy of Euro 84: The Greatest Tournament You Never Saw, by Pitch Publishing. Visit their bookshop here. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

Big Website is offering Euro 2024 Daily readers a special discounted rate for our all-access digital subscription which, we’re told by the higher-ups, is the top level of support and gives you unlimited access to the app and ad-free reading. Get in! So click here to get 50% off the usual price for the first three months [and to see thefull terms and conditions]. What are you waiting for? Become a Big Website ultra now!

It may not be the glamour slot as far as broadcasters are concerned, but Euro 2024’s early kick-offs have been by far the best entertainment so far. While the tournament’s big beasts have largely played out cagey draws or narrow wins later in the day, pacing themselves in anticipation of the knockouts, the less-fancied sides, many from a resurgent eastern Europe, have burst out of the blocks.

Anyone who dozed through the white noise of England’s victory over Serbia or France’s noiseless smothering of Austria will have been jolted awake by the thrash metal chaos of Turkey’s win against Georgia, a sudden crescendo of thunderous volleys, outrageous stepovers, rattled crossbars, seesawing fortunes and unstoppable long-range screamers. Throw in a tense regional rivalry and a Biblical downpour sluicing off the roof of the stadium and, all in all, it was a heady mix.

Among the other highlights from the early kick-offs, Nicolae Stanciu’s 25-yard belter against Ukraine, Klaus Gjasula’s nightmare own goal and redemption against Croatia, and Luka Jovic’s last-gasp equaliser against Slovenia. Compared to the 8pm prime time slot, where many games have felt like studious chess matches, the afternoons have been more like a 22-man melee. Next up: Slovakia v Ukraine and Georgia v Czech Republic. Expect gleeful chaos which, let’s face it, is exactly the sort of scene we like to see.

Roberto Baggio was robbed and beaten at gunpoint in his home on Thursday while watching the Italy-Spain match with his family. A group of at least five armed individuals forcefully entered the villa in northern Italy and Baggio was left needing stitches in his forehead after confronting the intruders.

England and Denmark fans were praised by Frankfurt police for creating a “great football festival with an exuberant atmosphere”, despite reports of eight arrests in connection to the game.

Uefa has vowed to improve the Frankfurt pitch after it broke up like a trampled sponge cake during England’s glorious 1-1 draw with Denmark.

Big Robert Lewandowski is fit again and Poland keeper Wojciech Szczesny reckons it will fire up his side in their “little final” against Austria later. “He is the best Polish player of all time,” roared Szczesny. “[He] is changing our overall approach.”

And Didier Deschamps was thrilled to be asked questions about whether Kylian Mbappé would be wearing a mask if he starts for France against Netherlands. “Yes … I think you have enough moles to find out where the mask is coming from anyway,” he huffed. “Before the first game [against Austria] … seven and a half of the eight questions were not about football.”

“They look, atomised, shot, terrified.” It’s Barney Ronay on England. Meanwhile, Jonathan Liew asks: “Is it really worth kicking this twitching corpse any further?” And determines that of course it is. And Jacob Steinberg dishes out the player ratings here.

Italy should be thankful they avoided a hammering after being give the runaround by Spain’s superstars, writes Jonathan Wilson.

The race for the Golden Boot is on, baby! OK, so Jamal Musiala leads on two goals but you can still check out the latest standings here.

Wales manager Rob Page is now former Wales manager Rob Page. And Craig Bellamy is in frame to replace him – which could be fun.

Lionel Messi, 78, has still got it, pulling the strings as Argentina beat Canada 2-0 in the Copa América opener.

And Burnley have appointed Henrik Jansen as their assistant first-team coach and have spoken to former Manchester United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy about filling the vacant top job.

Twenty years ago today, 18-year-old Wayne Rooney scored twice and generally tormented the Croatia defence as England reached the quarter-finals of Euro 2004. In the last eight, Rooney suffered a broken bone in his foot, and England lost to Portugal on penalties. Oh Wazza! Were things ever this good again?