Hi Bob, first time writer, long term reader, but I felt the need to share this with you- as I'm sure there are others. Please don't use my name because I still work in the business and I feel there may be repercussions.
In the early 2000's I was a young buyer for an indie promoter. My first trip to Pollstar Live! I was invited to a late night party at Ian Copeland's bar in Beverly Hills. A number of male coworkers were also invited so I didn't think anything of it. When I went to sit down, ____ _____ put his hand down on my chair and I sat down directly on his hand, and he proceeded to squeeze my genitals- to the point it hurt. Everyone saw and laughed. I actually laughed too, not because I thought it was funny, but out of embarrassment. I was a young married mother- but I knew the game. We had a Linkin Park show coming up and what was I supposed to do? I kept thinking, maybe I shouldn't have worn such a short skirt. Or maybe I shouldn't have even gone. But the fact of the matter was it didn't happen to the guys an they had the same job as I did.
There were also strippers there and illicit drugs and lots and lots of booze. (The strippers were also treated like amusing sex objects, but they were there in a much different capacity than I was and I don't want to speak for them.)
I've had bands tell me to show them my tits. I had a band ask me if I was the stripper when I went to their dressing room to find their tour manager so I could pay them. I have other horror stories but I don't want to bore you with that...
Back then the music business game was much more a boys club then it is today, and I was a young female trying to figure out how to 'make it' as a real promoter ie. you are female promoter and push too hard on deal points you are a bitch- if you are too easy you just simply won't make it. If you are pretty and wear short skirts- you are there as an amusement.
I'm still a buyer today, but in a different area. And the sex, drugs and rock-n-roll is still there. I just had to learn the hard way that it meant something different for the guys in my position than it did for me.
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I was a rookie at a label when a new senior executive was hired...I remember heading to New York with him a few weeks after his hiring to attend label meetings. I recall him asking me a lot of questions and telling me he'd heard that I was a "diamond in the rough." He said that he was looking forward to working with me and helping me grow in my position. He joked a bit, but by the end of the flight he asked if I would stay in his hotel room. He assured me that we wouldn't tell anyone about it. I laughed, told him to stop joking, and that I looked forward to the meetings and working with him. When we were back in our home town, he would systematically call me into his office, ask me to close the door and proceed to tell me that turning him down in NY was a mistake and that I would end up sleeping with him...He told me that other women at labels had slept with him, and that it had benefited them. I told no one, kept it to myself. After about 6 months of this abuse, my dream job became a nightmare. I was unable to sleep, had stomach pains and I dreaded going into the office and seeing his face. In my first ever employee review, he threatened to ruin me at the company and in the industry if I didn't fuck him (his words), even to the extent that he would spread rumors that I was a lesbian! I walked out of his office and broke down privately with a co-worker (a woman) who was there by my side. Together we called my boss Polly Anthony, who listened, asked for the whole story and told me to stop worrying and she would take care of it. BOOM. Fired. No HR interview, (though they were made aware), no questioning my story. I will feel forever indebted to this woman.
#MeTooHeroes
Name withheld by request
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I think it's great that you are letting so many of us in the music business share our opinions and tell our stories, sad and disgusting though most of them are. I was never actually sexually assaulted, but for many years experienced rampant chauvinism in the classical music world... so it was not just confined to the pop and rock scenes.
As a guitarist I had several platinum selling classical albums and was signed to the CBS Masterworks label in New York. The lawyer there, Bob Perlstein, asked me why I would need royalties since I was a woman and no doubt had a rich boyfriend. He delighted in putting me down and I remember walking out and slamming his office door. In my first of two autobiographies, In My Own Key,..My Life In Love and Music (1999) I wrote in detail about the pervasive casting couch mentality I encountered in Los Angeles and named people such as Bullets Durgeom who dangled performance opportunities such as a chance to play the White House with Frank Sinatra if I would oblige him. Luckily I was a three time guest with Johnny Carson as he genuinely loved my guitar. One of the several predatory producers from whom I escaped ( this time his room at the Beverly Hills Hotel) was James Toback, and I recounted how he told me we women had no choice but to agree to have sex with the directors and producers as that's "just how it always works in Hollywood!" Now over 300 women have stepped forward to accuse him.
I'm glad that Toback, Weinstein, CW, and many of the other sleazy men are finally being held accountable by all the courageous women! After watching the second-rate Grammys I admire Shari Ulrich for pointing out the obvious, and I feel sorry for the kids being brought up watching the quasi-pornographic moves and music videos of their favourite role-model artists. (Gees... and I had to forfeit French distribution back in the 80's for my "Best Of" album because the cover showed me on a white stallion wearing a semi-see-through blouse. How times have changed. ) Shari is so right. Women cannot expect to have it both ways, and yes our culture is overdue for a good dose of "consciousness-raising."
Liona Boyd
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I've been out of the business now for 4 years and reading all of the stories and experiences of women (and some men) in the music industry makes my stomach turn, mostly with sadness. I've been there. I put myself there! I'm reading all these victim stories and no one is talking about those of us who due to our own human failings had affairs with superiors, slept with clients, allowed themselves to be demeaned in various situations, etcetera. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us in this category as well. I agree with many of the women who wrote that we are taught to smile, laugh, not be difficult, gotta be able to hang with the guys if we wanted to stay in the business. Yes, it was a choice we made to stay and probably the wrong one but that IS the way it is in the industry for women.
In my case, I was a pretty naive 22 year old when I entered the business. I came to LA to go to college and had stars in my eyes. I fell into the music business by accident...or I like to think fate. Music was always my salvation as a young middle class kid growing up in verbally and sometimes physically abusive environments tossed back and forth by my divorced parents. I give this bit of background not as an excuse for my own behavior, only to provide a bit of history that I myself came to understand over the years.
I had a long term affair with my much older boss. I was a young assistant and he pursued me quite aggressively. Both of us were married, he had children. Although I knew it was a bad idea, I guess I got caught up in the excitement. I was being wined and dined and taken to incredible shows, traveling to awesome places, going to glamorous events and working a dream job. At first it was all great but I eventually learned there was a huge price to pay and I paid it in full.
My boss always promised our affair would never damage my career, it would never influence how I was treated, oh, and of course that I was the only one he'd EVER done this with. I was told he cared for me deeply but that he could never leave his wife because it was cheaper to keep her and they made a good team. All of it was bullshit which became apparent to me over time. As i got a little older and less green, I began to see him for who he was, realize how I had jeopardised my own marriage, my self- respect and career. He would make careless advances at me with others around, brag about himself and his exploits constantly and enjoyed belittling me on the job.
I wanted out but didn't want to lose my job. I loved working with the clients we had and had many amazing connections with both men and women in the industry. I knew of nothing else and never wanted to do anything else. I kidded myself into thinking he was also a "friend" and would understand we had made a mistake and we could resume a purely platonic relationship. HA, talk about naive. Suddenly, he was being rejected. I explained that it wasn't fair to our spouses, I felt guilty, I wanted to end the affair and work on myself and my marriage. I told him unlike what he had promised, I felt everyone around us knew of our relationship and it had damaged my credibility. He couldn't have cared any less. At first he begged and pleaded, then he turned angry and began to demean me in conversations with clients which quickly got back to me, shut me out of meetings, give me the silent treatment for months on end. I knew he was trying to get me to quit but I didn't. I cared about my work and wasnt going to be forced out. He became jealous of my relationships with clients even though I saved his butt on MANY MANY occasions and did my best to be loyal to him and the company. I did not get the same in return. Eventually an excuse for my exit was made and a lengthy negotiation ensued ending with my getting a severance package in exchange for signing a non-disclosure agreement.
The thing that stings the most is people I had worked with for years and had amazing relationships with basically wrote me off. No one wanted to give me the time of day. Every time I'd have a good interview that seemed like it was about to pan out, it would mysteriously evaporate. I heard from a few people that he had covertly badmouthed me. It's a small business and all the men in power know each other. I believe everyone pretty much knew what happened but both men and women made the decision to align themselves with him. He had the power and everyone is only interested in their own survival in this industry. I would never find another job in the business and after about a year and a half of looking, I decided to give up, re-invent myself and do something different.
I have huge regrets given my own bad decisions and a lot of guilt over it as well. I see many of these women coming out of the MeToo movement who have been victimised and I support them. But I also know there were/are many like me who were on various levels complicit and allowed certain things to happen. I'll stop short of saying I deserved it though. Had I known better I would have done better. When I finally said no, I should have been able to. Why are men allowed and not women? Had I known my affair would turn into a life sentence at 22, I would have made another decision but that's life.
I'm sure today, this "respected" executive is shaking in his boots hoping his misdeeds never get out and ruin him. I do know of at least one other woman that sued him and she settled quietly. My hope is that one day, he will have to face the truth like I did. Thus far, he's been teflon, like Trump! But, every wave hits it's shore. Someday.
Anonymous cuz I have to be (NDA)
Thanks for providing this forum.
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Someone, although not a music man solely, whose actions were deplorable to say the least was __________ when he was running __________. Once, I was at a meeting with him, a few wealthy clients, and a woman who worked at __________. Several people had never met __________ who started the meeting with a story about how he just returned from Toronto Film Festival and was at a screening and was staring at a beautiful woman who completely blinded him with how "hot" she was. She sat behind him and asked why he kept staring at her, and he said "because you are so hot I don't know what else to do." Needless to say, it was a very strange and awkward beginning to the meeting.
He also was wildly inappropriate to many of the female agents. He said to one married agent with kids, "I want you to sit by me in these meetings because you have great tits." He often made multiple advances on her. After many turn downs, he said, "look, you can blow me or blow me off and probably get fired." She eventually was fired despite being a very profitable agent.
He also had an affair with his assistant whom he later married.
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I'm 47. I have been in the entertainment business since I have been 17. Every single time I have gone to a mentor for advice or had a conversation with a CEO or someone who has been in the business for a long time the first thing which comes up when discussing hiring people is...try not to hire anyone (male or female) who is married or has kids because they can't commit the time and energy needed to operate at the intensity required by most jobs in the music business. This is quickly followed up by them saying people who have been in the business for a long time, are over 35 AND/OR have made enough money are usually ok as they have either learned how to balance these things or they are able to use money to take care of the basic things (nanny, house help, assistant, chef) to function at the odd hours the entertainment business requires and still spend quality time with their family. Keep in mind most of these people are up at 7am, work a full day at the office then do a business dinner and then either go to the studio or out to see a band. They finish their night between 2 and 6 am and then do it all over again. You have to be able to keep up with them to work with them. I'm not saying I fully agree with this but I have found it to be mostly true as well. When hiring someone I would ask the exact same questions the manager in the example sent did and IF I liked the candidate and they were married or in a long term relationship I would very quickly set up a dinner between this person, their significant other and my significant other. If I did not like the significant other or felt any odd vibe between them I would not work with them. At a very young age I realized that was happening to me but I was blessed to have an amazing partner who the people "interviewing" me liked so I had no issues in that area. This person when on to marry me and after 13 years of 16-20 hour days (and other reasons pretty much relating to the discussion)..divorce me. Sucks but I chose to live and work this way. Now I know how to balance things a bit better, have the money to take care of things which would normally be busy work, and have found a partner to has the same ideas on working/creating/life balance I do.
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I was Detroit Local Promotion Manager for Arista. At the end of an employee review, Richard Palmese said, "If anyone messes with you, let me know." It was great to know my boss had my back.
Jean Johnson
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