With Valentine’s Day just around the corner we’ve been thinking about what we and our loved ones wore the first time we met.

It might sound frivolous, but try listening to Bella Freud’s high-brow, low-fi hit podcast, Fashion Neurosis, in which she almost always asks her guests: “If you fancy someone and you don’t like the clothes they’re wearing, does it kill your attraction?” It’s often far more revealing than you might think. Who would have thought Nick Cave’s feelings about ankle boots – “a bit of a disaster” – could have been make or break between him and his wife, Susie?

With that in mind, we spoke to a few Guardian writers about their experiences. Did it foretell something about the relationship that would go on to blossom? Or did it require that future partner to look past what was on the outside?

For me, it was a bit of both. When I first laid eyes on the person who would become my partner and the father of my child, he was wearing a Christmas jumper. It had all of the typical hallmarks: it was red, covered in snowflakes and accessorised by a hungover man. He was feeling fragile, he told me later, but you wouldn’t have known it. The ardour of his festive cheer then – heartfelt and charming – lives on, for the most part, to this day. The Christmas jumper is​, thankfully, gone. But the spirit of the person inside it, fun and kind – even in the face of, shall we say, adversity – isn’t.

Dressed to impress
After my over-a-decade-long relationship ended, my wardrobe was lacking in first-date attire. I wore a long, pale-blue Dôen dress that I’d had for years to dinner with a man travelling from Scotland to meet me – elegant, I thought, yet able to accommodate a sizeable meal. As it turned out, I hardly ate a bite. Many months later, I wore the same dress to meet his mother. On closer inspection, it turned out to be – rather unsubtly – covered from head to toe in thistle print. Leah Harper, assistant features editor

Disco days
Remember what I was wearing the night I met my future wife? Are you having a laugh? It was over 20 years ago – I’d be hard pushed to recall what I was wearing yesterday. She can’t remember, either – look, we were very drunk, OK? Although given it was at an indie disco (yes, I was DJing and she did request a record), I’d bet on some variation of scuffed Converse, skinny jeans and band T-shirt. Not exactly a Jasper Conran trouser suit, but at least proof that what you’re wearing isn’t the only thing that matters. Tim Jonze, associate culture editor

Love the lady, hate the coat
I was wearing an amazing Shrimps coat, with a check pattern with a giant furry collar and cuffs. Our first date was in the pandemic, so it was a walk around the local park. I still love the coat but my boyfriend has since admitted he hates it. Lol. Jenny Stevens, deputy features editor

‘Like a cartoon cat burglar’
As all men on dating apps do, my now-partner rounded his height upwards to the nearest whole number, 6’2”. However, even with this rounding, I had a height advantage. My boyfriend chose to address this by artificially boosting his own height by repeatedly folding a sock and placing the wad under his heels, leading to what he called “a tip-toe ‘sneaking’ motion when walking, like a cartoon cat-burglar”. Three years later, a height gap of nearer four inches (I had rounded down) has been no barrier to our relationship – other than arguments about who should paint the ceiling. Frances Perraudin, deputy national editor

A dress to remember
When I first met my boyfriend, we were both 19. We didn’t get together then, but I became lodged in his mind, in part, he told me later, because of what I was wearing: a cotton burgundy floral dress. It was incredibly cheap, reduced H&M – £15 down to £8. It was shift-shaped, with no give, and sat above the knee. I wore that dress a lot that summer, when we hung out as friends, and in the summers since. In fact I held on to it for about 12 years, which works out at about 21p per wear. But every time I wore it, he noticed it. Two children later, there is no way I could wear it, let alone find it, but I hope I haven’t lost it for good. Morwenna Ferrier, fashion and lifestyle editor

What happens in Vegas …
I can’t for the life of me remember what I wore on my first date with my husband but I can sure as hell remember what he wore: a sparkly blazer. As the relationship progressed, it became the butt of our jokes, and we called it his Vegas jacket. I cannot think of a single item of clothing that so inaccurately conveys his character. He could not be less of a sparkly blazer kind of guy. His prized outfits are his “inside clothes” – Adidas jersey joggers and hoodie. Always black. Not a jazzy sheen in sight. I’ve asked him what that blazer was about, was it a (slightly misjudged) attempt to woo me? “Dunno,” he retorts. “Fashion was different back then.” Lucky for him, I saw past the shiny lapel and fell for the man on the inside … who prefers a hoodie. Abigail Radnor, lifestyle editor, Saturday Magazine

Back in black
I am sure on our first date I wore an old favourite black sleeveless Uniqlo dress because it was the day after the hottest day that year and still unbearably warm. But when I went to confirm that with my boyfriend, now, eight years later, he was adamant I was wearing a long black dress with a vintage AC/DC T-shirt. A shirt I distinctly remember him mentioning, a few years ago, that he didn’t like. It’s amazing there was ever a second date. Helen Seamons, menswear editor

What’s hot – and what’s most definitely not – this week

Going up

Jeans and sheuxsss | After Kendrick Lamar wore bootcut jeans at the Super Bowl, surely, the time is ripe to bring back the OG Tumblr account. Thankfully, you can always look to Instagram for inspo.

Butter dishes | Because tablescaping has killed scraping butter out of its foil wrapper.

Paddington Bear | Is the beloved bear on Alexa Chung’s new-season mood board? The tastemaker’s go-to outerwear at the moment is a duffle coat complete with retro toggle hooks and patch pockets big enough for a marmalade sandwich.

Going down

Glass skin | Step away from the highlighter. Cloud skin is still going strong and it’s all about a soft rather than shiny complexion.

Winging it | First TikTokers suggested buying a giant wall calendar to plan out the entire year. Now the New York-based designer Sandy Liang is taking diarising to the next level with her schedule-ready skirts.

Cowboy boots | Time to start practising your lacing skills. Boxing boots are slowly becoming a heavyweight on the high street. These Adidas Originals ones come in black.

Melanie Wilkinson, style editor, solves your wardrobe dilemmas

Q: I’m just under 5’ and size 10 UK. The waist on clothes is often too low for me so I usually wear separates. I love stylish loose fits and wide-leg trousers, but they accentuate how short I am. How can I elongate my look? – Marilyn

A: Wearing different-coloured separates such as dark, washed jeans with a white top will create visual breaks in your outfit and shorten your body. Try wearing all black, or a tonal outfit of similar colours (like white jeans and an oatmeal-coloured jumper) – the continuity of colour will make you look taller. I also suggest adding some different textures to keep the outfit interesting, like a black silk shirt (tucked in) with black, wide-leg jeans, a black belt and black leather boots with a heel. I love these high-waisted jeans from Next and would wear them with a tucked-in top. However, if you are petite with a shorter torso, look for a mid-rise (no one wants their waistband sitting under their breasts). These tailored trousers from River Island are perfect. Wear them with elegant black boots like these Zara ones, which will continue to draw people’s eyes all the way down your body. Another simple hack is to consider where you are wearing a cross-body bag. It shouldn’t hit mid-thigh, as this creates a visual break. Tighten the strap so that it hits your waist and again, you’ll look instantly taller.

Got your own style question? Send it to [email protected].