1.  Dr. Fauci Blasts ‘Mischievous’ Attacks Over Maskless Photo

 BAD FAITH 

“I guess if people want to make something about that, they can. But to me, I think that’s just mischievous,” he concluded.

2.  Trump’s Son Will Not Return to School—Despite Dad’s Wishes

  CLASS DISMISSED 

St. Andrew’s Episcopal School will not fully reopen in September, the elite private school has told parents.

3.  This Small Gadget Helps Keep My Kitchen Sink Clog-Free

 WASH IT AWAY 

The Kitchen SinkShroom does everything a traditional drain strainer does and then some.

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4.  Kayleigh McEnany: Trump ‘Hasn’t Changed His Tone’

 NEW TONE, WHO DIS? 

The White House press secretary shot down a reporter who asked why the president is displaying a new “tone” on the pandemic.

5.  Press Sec Parrots Online Rumor ‘PAW Patrol’ Was Canceled

 VERY WRONG 

Rest assured, the popular animated series is still very much on the air.

6.  You’ll Actually Want to Carry This First-Aid Kit

 SAFETY FIRST 

The VSSL is so sleek, you’ll almost forget it has everything you’ll ever need inside of it.

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7.  Trumpy Women’s Group Sues NYC for a Giant Street Mural

 MURALS FOR EVERYONE! 

Women for America First want their own BLM-style mural that says, “Engaging, Inspiring and Empowering Women to Make a Difference!”

8.  Former Trump Lawyer Michael Cohen Released From Prison—Again

 GOING HOME 

Michael Cohen was released to home confinement on Friday after a judge ruled he was punished in retaliation for his plan to release a tell-all about the president.

9.  Body of Child Found, a Day After Parents Stopped Cooperating

 TRAGIC 

Roger Nuttal, an attorney for Thaddeus Sran’s family, said on Thursday the parents “were cooperative until law enforcement became overtly accusatory.”

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10.  McDonald’s to Customers: No More Big Macs Without a Mask

 LOVIN' IT 

As coronavirus cases continue to surge, the fast-food giant is requiring all customers to wear face coverings inside its restaurants.

11.  Tony Luke’s Founder, Son Indicted for Dodging Taxes: Feds

  MEATY PROBLEM 

The founder of the Philly cheesesteak restaurant and his son allegedly hid more than $8 million from the IRS and paid a portion of their employees’ salaries “off the books.”

12.  8th Death Row Inmate Dies Amid San Quentin Virus Outbreak

 OUT OF CONTROL 

A total of 13 prisoners are believed to have died from the coronavirus at the maximum security facility in California.

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13.  New York City Now Classified as Subtropical

 HOT IN THE CITY 

A study by the National Climate Assessment has reclassified New York City from humid continental to subtropical.

14.  Basketball Coach Who Fatally Punched Florida Man Avoids Jail

 YOU’RE OUT 

Jamill Jones, a former basketball coach, whose fatal punch killed a Florida tourist in Queens was sentenced to three years of probation and 1,500 hours of community service

15.  Goldman Sachs Agrees to $3.9B Settlement Over 1MDB Scandal

 THAT’S GOTTA STING 

Putting an end to saga involving luxury yacht, a Picasso, and Leo DiCaprio.

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