Donald Trump, Lying Carly Fiorina And War On Christmas RAGE! Your Weekly Top Ten

2 jahre vor


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CHRISTMAS WONKETTE BABY MAY CUTE YOU TO DEATH!

 Oh hi, Wonkers, are you ready for the official War On Christmas week? Have you polished all your Festivus poles and candy-cane
dildos, to wave at all the nice fundamentalist Christians who are just trying to go to church to get Baby Jesus’s autograph? Or maybe you are
just resting your weary bones, sipping some hot cinnamon mocha liquor nog, like you do during the holiday season, and also most other days of the
year. Well sit a spell and catch up on your special Wonkette Christmas Weekly Reading!

 Two things first, though: Have you subscribed
to yr super-fast-like-lightning AD-FREE WONKETTE yet? Oh yeah, kids. You get to look at yr dick jokes and your quality journalism, WITHOUT it crashing your
browser, for the low low price of “dollars”! Click here to see how!

 Another thing you can do is just throw us some general dollars, to feed the Wonkette children (the writers) and the Wonkette babby (the baby) and also the
Wonkette Media EMPIRE for the War On Christmas. So click here and give us $5, $10, or $25, as a special Santa present! Remember, you can even use your Love Offering to
give a special “just the tip” to me, yours truly, the “Evan” one, or to the “Kaili” one, or to
the “Dok” one. Or all of us!

Okay, here is your weekend-before-Christmas reading list, chosen as usual by the
scientific method of “counting”:

1. Like we said last week, we have a feeling that the weekly Off The Menu feature is
going to top this list every week. Maybe we should just eliminate it from contention. JUST KIDDIN’, PINKHAM! Everybody go read this week’s
stories of restaurant employees getting REVENGE.

2. Did you watch the big dumb Republican debate this week? Catch up on all the dick
jokes and insightful analysis you missed, with Wonkette’s liveblog!

3. Here’s how Paul Ryan has failed as speaker in RECORD time. It’s a Wonksplainer, where we Wonksplain things!

4. Lying liar Carly Fiorina does NOT LIKE being libeled like a common Sarah Palin. Huh!

5. If you missed LAST week’s Off The Menu, about how dumb restaurant customers are an inexhaustible resource of dumb, it’s number
five this week!

6. Oh goody, the GOP has a secret plan to win the war on Donald Trump. (SPOILER: They may lose this war anyway!)

7. Oh goodness gracious, we are
going wormhole-vortex-Wonkette again! Your number seven story is LAST WEEK’S TOP TEN LIST. Click and read if you dare!

8. Time for a sad, tragic Wonkette Long Read.
It’s about how the all-you-can-eat shrimp biscuit frittata crunchies at the Olive Garden are probably only there because of child slaves :(

9. Here’s your dumbass “Fox & Friends” couch, jizzing itself in WAR ON CHRISTMAS YULETIDE RAAAAAAAGE.

10. And finally, did you
hear the one about the New York priest who stole $1 million to give to his gay S&M sex lover? Totally normal Catholic love story.

So there you go,
Wonkers. That’s your assigned reading for Crimmus weekend.

 Oh, and hey dumb dumb, are you following
your Wonkette on Twitter? WELL,
GET ON IT IF YOU AREN'T.

Now if you already forgot, you
can still SEND
US FIVE BUCKS,
 do not worry! If you prefer to send us money via snail mail, you can do that
too! We have a PO Box now! How exciting is that! Checks (payable to Rebecca Schoenkopf, because “grifting”) can be sent
to PO Box 8765, Missoula, MT, 59807. Nice, huh?

Okay we love you bye!

Love,

Evan and the rest of the Wonkettes,
and also Wonkette Baby.

 


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