Fighting Words. What got me steamed up this week
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Fighting Words. What got me steamed up this week

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Item one: This will go down as the week that the MAGA pixie dust didn’t work for once. It won’t be the last time. 

So this is the thing about stories like the Jeffrey Epstein saga: There’s always new stuff waiting to come out. The explosive story that The Wall Street Journal dropped Thursday evening about Donald Trump’s alleged note to Epstein in a “birthday book” compiled for the child molester in 2003 by Ghislaine Maxwell was bound to come out. And if other things are out there about Trump’s history with Epstein—as there almost certainly are—they’re bound to become public someday, too.

 

That’s the first reason Trump needs to be worried. Even if his name does not appear on some master list created by Epstein with a heading like “Good Friends of Mine Who Raped Underage Girls With Me,” it still has to be the case that there are emails, photographs, and other material that at the very least won’t look good. (I couldn’t help wondering what Maurene Comey, the sex crimes prosecutor in New York’s Southern District who was fired by Attorney General Pam Bondi on Wednesday, knows about Epstein and Trump.)

 

And here’s the second and more interesting reason. These cracks in the MAGA coalition right now are only that—cracks—but time may prove this week to have been a pivotal, even decisive, moment in MAGA history.

 

On Monday, several voices in MAGA world (Charlie Kirk, Laura Ingraham, Megyn Kelly) were outraged over the administration declaring the Epstein matter closed. On Tuesday, a lot of those same voices said okay, nothing to see here, time to move on. Then, on Wednesday, they pivoted back to outrage, suggesting that on this one matter, social-media marching orders from Dear Leader could not staunch the blood flow. And Thursday night, the Journal story broke.

 

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We don’t know yet what the impact of the Journal story will be in MAGA world, though it seems to be rallying some of his Epstein critics to his defense. So it might be that the story allows Trump to play victim and blame the fake news. Trump denies that he wrote the greeting and, as usual, has vowed to sue, which means he’s suing none other than Rupert Murdoch, who quite interestingly—if Trump’s Thursday night rant on Truth Social is to be believed—turned down the chance to use his power to kill the story.

 

Or it might edge some to start coming to grips with the fact that their hero is not the valiant knight they imagined him to be. To a certain kind of person who consumes a certain kind of media, Trump is a sea-green incorruptible: the man who quite literally risks his life (the two assassination attempts) to slay the debauched and ossified dragons that have been perverting America for decades and keeping the decent God-fearing people of “normal” America down.

 

Now? As I said, we can’t make any conclusions just yet. But this is the week the pixie dust didn’t work. Maybe it’s a one-time thing. On the other hand, maybe it’s not.

 

Before we get to all that, let’s do a quick deconstruction of what the Journal reported. There was a drawing of a naked woman (and why the Journal hasn’t posted an image of this thing is weird). Inside the drawing was a typewritten imagined dialogue between Trump and Epstein:

Voice Over: There must be more to life than having everything.

 

Donald: Yes, there is, but I won’t tell you what it is.

 

Jeffrey: Nor will I, since I also know what it is. 

 

Donald: We have certain things in common, Jeffrey. 

 

Jeffrey: Yes, we do, come to think of it. 

 

Donald: Enigmas never age, have you noticed that? 

 

Jeffrey: As a matter of fact, it was clear to me the last time I saw you. 

 

Donald: A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy Birthday — and may every day be another wonderful secret.

Obviously, the key line here is Trump saying “enigmas never age.” I have to say I give him credit for seeming to know what the word “enigma” means. In fact, the use of “enigma” is the one piece of evidence that suggests that maybe this wasn’t Trump!

 

But “never age.” And Epstein replying that this fact was “clear to me the last time I saw you.” That’s clearly a reference to a specific event. If you want to believe it refers to that time they bought Girl Scout cookies together, be my guest.

 

If this is a genuine article, well, it’s very rare in this life that things like that card exist in isolation. The two were joined at the hip for 15 years. There will almost certainly be new explosions in the coming weeks. They probably won’t emerge from the grand jury materials whose release Trump authorized in the wake of the Journal scoop. We can presume that material has been vetted to exculpate Trump. But maybe there were things that the grand jury didn’t see. As The Washington Post noted Friday morning, “the grand jury testimony would constitute only a fraction of the evidence amassed by federal authorities.”

 

But back to that pixie dust. That’s the story here. Every single thing Trump has done for 10 years—every outrage against decency, every crime, every incitement to violence, all the rest—have been justified in MAGA world because Trump was doing all these things for them. 

 

And he was supposed to blow the lid off this whole Epstein thing for them, too. Instead, he’s covering up for himself. The order to Bondi about the grand jury material just looks like the kind of ass-covering bullshit move any politician would make. Members of the r/Conservative subreddit on Friday morning were definitely not appeased.

 

Most of MAGA will continue to believe. Some people will need a photograph of Trump in flagrante delicto with a 12-year-old before they reconsider. And even then, they may insist the photo is fake.

 

But others are already starting to question the whole enterprise. If Trump loses just 15 percent of his hard-core supporters, that’s huge; electorally, it’s potentially decisive. If we put his hard-shell supporters at 30 or 35 percent of the country, well, 15 percent of that is 4 or 5 percent. In a country this narrowly divided, that’s a lot to lose—a lot of midterm voters who decide the hell with it, I’m staying home.

 

And finally, let’s not forget what this is about. Epstein did literally the sickest things a human being can do. Even if Trump didn’t do them, if he was that close to Epstein for that long, there’s roughly zero chance he didn’t know something. Is that what supposed Christians want in a president of the United States? Some of them are already wondering. As other shoes drop, more will.

 

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Quiz time!

Last week’s quiz: “Follow your nose/it always knows…” To see what you remember from your youth about breakfast cereals and their mascots.

1. The lines above—“Follow your nose/it always knows…”—were sung by what cereal mascot(s), hawking what cereal?

A. Silly Rabbit; Trix

B. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble; Fruity Pebbles

C. Toucan Sam; Froot Loops

D. Klondike Pete; Golden Nuggets

Answer: C, Toucan Sam of course. “Follow your nose/it always knows/the flavor of fruit/wherever it grows.” He was introduced in 1963, and from that year until 1970, he was voiced by, yes, Mel Blanc. 

2. The oldest cartoon cereal mascot dates to 1933. Who was it, or who were they?

A. Lucky the Leprechaun (Lucky Charms)

B. Sugar Bear (Sugar Snaps)

C. Sonny the Cuckoo Bird (Cocoa Puffs)

D. Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Rice Crispies)

Answer: D, Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Here’s what they looked like originally. They were much older fellows then.

3. Actor, singer, and voice-over man Thurl Ravenscroft, who voiced Tony the Tiger, sang what beloved children’s song in a whole other context?

A. “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life for Me)”

B. “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch”

C. “The Scarecrow of Romney Marsh”

D. “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

Answer: B, “Mr. Grinch.” That should have been an easy one. A great song and a great vocal performance.

4. The character we know as Cap’n Crunch has a first and middle name. What are they?

A. Jacques Chirac

B. Henry Hornswoggle

C. Horatio Magellan 

D. Jean LaFoot

Answer: C, Horatio Magellan. He was voiced by the great Daws Butler, who brought us Yogi Bear, Huckleberry Hound, and Elroy Jetson, among many others.

5. The mascot for Post Alpha-Bits was a young man named Lovable Truly. He even was featured in a cartoon show for a time. What was his occupation?

A. Postman

B. Milkman

C. Lion Tamer

D. Street sweeper

Answer: A, postman. Because Alpha-Bits were “letters,” get it? Here’s what he looked like, back in the day.

6. In 1965, Quaker introduced Quisp and Quake cereals. The Quake character was a miner of some sort—a burly fellow wearing a safety helmet with a headlamp. What was Quisp?

A. An urban sophisticate

B. A cute space alien

C. A small pony with a sort of human face

D. A stylish girl of about 13

Answer: B, an alien. See here for what both Quisp and Quake looked like. I preferred Quake, taste-wise. I think it was a lot like Cap’n Crunch.

 

This week’s quiz: “You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows…” What with all this turbulent weather lately, a few questions on the history of weather and weather forecasting.

1. The biggest flood in world history is something experts call the Zanclean megaflood, which happened 5.3 million years ago. It created what prominent global sea, which before the megaflood had pretty much dried up?

A. The Black Sea
B. The Sargasso Sea
C. The Mediterranean Sea
D. The South China Sea

2. This is generally considered to be the deadliest flood in human history.

A. The 1931 China flood
B. The 1889 Johnstown flood
C. The 1927 Louisiana flood
D. The 2010 Pakistan flood

3. The most arid region on earth, which receives less than one inch of rainfall per year, rests at the border of what two countries?

A. The United States-Mexico
B. Chile-Peru
C. Mali-Niger
D. Saudi Arabia-Yemen

4. The deadliest volcano eruption in history, claiming up to an estimated 250,000 lives, occurred in 1815 in what country?

A. Japan
B. India
C. Indonesia
D. Italy

5. What is the coldest city on Earth, with an average annual temperature of around 18 degrees Fahrenheit?

A. Utqiagvik (formerly Barrow), Alaska
B. Yakutsk, Russia
C. Nuussuaq, Greenland
D. Skarsvag, Norway

6. What is the accuracy today of a three-day weather forecast?

A. 68 percent
B. 79 percent
C. 86 percent
D. 97 percent

Who was your most trusted weatherman when you grew up? Mine was Joe DeNardo, WTAE Channel 4, the ABC affiliate in Pittsburgh. Good local boy. Went to high school at Wheeling Catholic. Answers next week. Feedback to [email protected]

 

—Michael Tomasky, editor 

 

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