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SUPER BALLS

THE STORY

Are you ready for some footballllll? Super Bowl LI is here. It’s the Atlanta Falcons vs the New England Patriots. Hut hut hike.

WHERE AND WHEN?

Sunday. Kickoff’s at 6:30pm ET in Houston, TX. Fox is hosting. You can’t go. Tickets for even the cheapest seats are not cheap. Hint: Around $3,000.

DON’T WATCH. DON’T CARE.

Do your thing. But more than 100 million people will be tuning in. That’s a lot of hot wings. And this year has some big draws. Pats QB Tom Brady and his protective necklace will be there. He’s kind of good at this whole Super Bowl thing. If he wins his fifth championship, he’ll have more Super Bowl rings than any other player or Russian President Putin.

HOW DO I PREGAME?

With Alexander Hamilpup. Team Ruff and Team Fluff are back at it again in the Puppy Bowl. The paws come out at 3pm ET on Animal Planet.

SO HOW’S THIS GOING TO GO DOWN?

It’s rookies vs veterans. Atlanta’s the underdog. The Patriots are doing this for, you know, the ninth time. The Falcons have the best O in the NFL right now. But the Pats have the big D. And Brady. Betting odds are in the Pats favor...but only by a littttle bit.

WILL BEYONCE BE THERE?

Sadly not. But Lady Gaga’s taking center stage. And she’ll be pulling her best poker face all by herself. The performance will be through the roof.

WHO’LL BE THERE?

For the Patriots…

Tom Brady...QB. Mr. Gisele is hoping for Deflategate redemption. Brady had to sit out four games this season for his alleged role in the scandal. He bounced back nicely. If the Pats come out on top, he’ll be the greatest QB of all time.

Bill Belichick...HBIC. The one with the winning smile. The head coach has already led the team to four Super Bowl wins. He’s also considered one of the best football coaches of all time. Because he wins. A lot.

Malcolm Butler...Cornerback. The one whose interception in the final seconds of Super Bowl 49 handed the Pats the victory. Now he’s considered one of the best cornerbacks in the NFL. He’ll be the one trying to keep Falcons wide receiver Julio Jones from getting his hands on the ball.

For the Falcons…

Matt Ryan...QB. As in the shark to Tom Brady’s jets. This is his first time at the Super Bowl. And he’s not letting it get to his head.

Dan Quinn…Coach Taylor IRL. He came on as head coach in 2015 and helped turn the Falcons around. He was a defensive coach for the Seattle Seahawks when the Pats beat them in Super Bowl 49. This time he’s hoping for a different outcome.

Julio Jones…wide receiver. Currently one of the best in the league at catching balls. He’s also fast. Really fast. Just ask your friend who had him on her fantasy team.

theSKIMM

This Super Bowl pits a team with a LOT of championship experience against a team with pretty much none. Get ready for an epic showdown.

THE *: Want more balls? Here’s our full guide to Sunday’s showdown.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

WHAT PEOPLE ARE WATCHING…

Paris. This morning, a soldier on guard near the Louvre museum there shot and injured a man who tried to attack him. Unclear what the motive was but officials say the attacker had a machete. And had shouted “Allahu akbar” as he rushed toward a group of soldiers. Now he’s in custody. This all comes as France has been on edge after several terrorist attacks throughout the country in recent years, including the truck attack in Nice last year.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR FRIEND FINALLY MOVES OUT OF HER STUDIO…

Growing up. Yesterday, Snap Inc (aka Snapchat) officially filed the paperwork to go public. It could be valued at more than $20 billion once it hits the market, probably next month. That would make it the biggest IPO since Chinese e-commerce giant Alibaba sang ‘I’m coming out’ in 2014. Yesterday, Snap also gave the world a sneak peak at its bank account for the first time. Prognosis: It’s not making money. Yet. But it’s got a LOT of users. Speaking of things on people’s home screens, yesterday Uber CEO Travis Kalanick bowed out of President Trump’s economic advisory council. This comes about a week after Uber got a lot of heat for offering people reduced-price rides during a taxi driver strike against Trump’s immigration ban. This is why you saw #DeleteUber all over your social feed. Kalanick apparently felt the pressure. Yesterday, he said joining the council wasn’t “an endorsement” of Trump and that immigration and refugees are “an important part of our country’s success.”

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR FRIEND SUGGESTS DOING A MUSEUM TOUR INSTEAD OF BRUNCH...

Time for a change. President Trump feels the same. Yesterday, he brunched with religious leaders, and said he wants to “totally destroy” this thing called the Johnson Amendment. That’s a rule introduced by then-Senator Lyndon Johnson back in the ’50s. It bans certain non-profits that don’t have to pay taxes (think: churches and charities) from taking part in political campaigns. The amendment was created to keep leaders of those organizations from using their power to back political candidates. If they break those rules, they could end up losing their tax-exempt status. Now Trump’s saying he wants to roll that back. Supporters are saying ‘amen,’ since they feel that the rule violates things like free speech. But critics are saying ‘ever heard of the separation of church and state?’ The repeal of the law would have to go through Congress. In the meantime, Trump’s worried about the “Celebrity Apprentice” ratings since he left and asked the religious leaders to “pray for Arnold.”

WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOUR CO-WORKER USES THE COMPANY CARD FOR HER ONLINE SHOPPING…

This feels wrong. Earlier this week, the Romanian gov passed a law that basically makes corruption legal. To which a LOT of people said, ‘are you F’ing kidding me?’ Hundreds of thousands of people across the country have been protesting ever since. The demonstrations are some of the largest to hit the country since the fall of Romania’s communist leader back in the late ’80s. Romania’s been trying to kick its corruption habit for years. But current gov officials aren’t ready to let go. The new law would let officials get away with corruption in cases involving less than about $50,000. And potentially let several gov and business officials currently under investigation off the hook. Convenient. Now, the country’s top watchdog group is saying ‘see you in court.’ Meanwhile, the law’s reportedly going into effect next week. And Shonda’s working on the pilot of “How to Get Away with Cheating.’

SKIMM READS

“The After Party” by Anton DiSclafani

Joan Fortier is the Serena van der Woodsen of 1950s Texas. And her best friend is a little too obsessed with her (à la Georgina Sparks). This read’s a vintage version of “Gossip Girl” meets bigger hair. Buy here.

SKIMM WINE

Skimm’ologist says it’s not summer yet. But you can pretend. Say ‘bonjour’ to this white from the south of France. Tastes like a key lime pie and tropical fruits taking a long walk on the beach. Buy here.

SKIMM GIFT

It’s time to head south for spring break 2.0. Think: four nights in Mexico City for you and your plus one. We’ll also give you a shopping spree so you can golf and spa in style. And cash money for the airfare. Hola, tan lines. Enter here.

SKIMM LIFE

Admit it: you can’t get enough of the #SkimmLife. Let’s keep a good thing going over here.

SKIMM SHARE

SKIMM BIRTHDAYS

* indicates Skimm’bassador. Balloons for you.

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