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1. Trump Goes After ‘Woke Donald Duck’ with Sylvester Stallone

 BROKEN RECORD 

The highly original dig was an attempt to prop up Trump’s mega donor Isaac Perlmutter.

POLITICS

2. Cruises Hit By Massive Increase in Stomach Sickness

 UNFRIENDLY SEAS 

The Centers for Disease Control said there have been 5 outbreaks on board this month alone–affecting almost 900 people.

U.S. NEWS

These Tasty Alcohol-Free THC Drinks Make Dry January Easier

 BOOZE-FREE BUZZ 

Kick off 2025 with these zero-proof THC seltzers from Happi.

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3. UnitedHealth CEO Touts Company’s Record Year After Colleague’s Assassination

 STAYING POSITIVE 

Andrew Witty has reportedly been telling fellow executives that the company is expected to hit financial records by the end of the year.

U.S. NEWS

4. Wimbledon Finalist: I Won Olympic Medal With Cancer

 WHAT A LEGEND 

The tennis star played on despite undergoing treatment for breast cancer.

WORLD

This AI-Powered Smart Bike Is Engineered to Get You Fit Fast

 RIDE ON 

The Carol Bike uses AI personalization technology to give you maximum results in the shortest time possible.

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5. CNN Star Who Reported Horror of 9/11 Live for 17 Hours Dies

 ANCHORMAN 

Aaron Brown was thrust on the air after the first plane crashed into the World Trade Center and stayed on screens for hours.

MEDIA

6. Ford’s X Account ‘Compromised’ By Pro-Palestine Posts

 'NOT AUTHORIZED' 

The auto manufacturer says it’s looking into the posts’ origins.

U.S. NEWS

7. Jay-Z’s Lawyer Eyes Legal Loopholes to Get Rape Case Dismissed

 WHATEVER IT TAKES 

The rapper’s attorney Alex Spiro has pointed out several technicalities that might fit the bill.

U.S. NEWS

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8. Jennifer Lopez’s Ex-Boyfriend Accused of Running Cannabis Grow House

 CAUGHT GREEN-HANDED 

The singer’s former boyfriend, Casper Smart, was not taken into police custody however.

OBSESSED

9. ‘The Simpsons’ Showrunner Reveals Surprising Way Show Will End

 ADIEU 

Showrunner Matt Selman explained that he hopes the series’ finale will simply be a “really good story” about the family.

OBSESSED

10. Basketball Team Narrowly Escapes Death After Near-Collision on LAX Runway

 FLIGHT-MARE 

The incident reportedly occurred during the holiday rush on Friday.

TRAVEL

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11. Why Joaquin Phoenix Didn’t Reprise Johnny Cash Role in ‘A Complete Unknown’

 BACK IN BLACK 

Phoenix scored his first Best Actor Oscar nomination for playing Johnny Cash in 2005’s “Walk the Line.”

OBSESSED

12. How Much Elon Is Paying to Be Close to Trump Revealed

 SHACKING UP 

Elon Musk is reportedly renting out one of Mar-A-Lago’s cottages near the site’s main house.

POLITICS

13. Senator’s Son Sentenced Over Killing Deputy in 100mph Car Chase

 DRUG TRAGEDY 

Republican senator Kevin Cramer’s son took meth and bath salts, stole his mom’s car and drove 70 miles before killing the officer.

U.S. NEWS

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