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1. Tom Brady Loses It After Comedian Jeff Ross’ Roast Joke
NOT HAPPY
Jeff Ross was talking about New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft when Tom Brady apparently had enough.
ENTERTAINMENT
2. Juicy Audio Leaks of Trump Talking Possible VP Picks: Report
‘DIVERSITÉ’
The former president appears to be standing by scandal-scarred South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem—among his many other options.
POLITICS
These CBN Gummies Are Formulated to Help You *Stay* Asleep
“TOMORROW STARTS TONIGHT”
According to a recent study, when CBN is taken without CBD, it may help you sleep through the night and experience fewer disturbances.
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3. Hamas Threatens Consequences Over Rafah Evacuation Order
‘ESCALATION’
An official with the group said the U.S. government also “bears responsibility” for the situation.
WORLD
4. Puppy-Killer Noem Suggests Biden’s Dog Should Be Shot, Too
‘SAY HELLO TO CRICKET’
After revelations she shot her own dog, the South Dakota governor has a new target in sight.
Cleanse and Firm Like Royalty With PMD’s 24K Facial Wand
GOLD RUSH
The next-level cleansing wand and facial massager harnesses sonic and heat therapy modalities for a deeper cleanse with added anti-aging benefits.
5. Madonna Draws Whopping 1.6 Million for Free Beach Concert
SHOWSTOPPER
It might qualify as the third most-attended concert in history.
6. Trump Compares Biden Admin to Nazi ‘Gestapo’
NEW LOW
He whined that the legal repercussions of his suspected criminal behavior constituted unfair persecution.
7. Sony and Apollo Enter Talks to Buy Paramount: Report
COMING SOON
The companies reportedly made a joint $26B offer to acquire Paramount, which had previously mulled a deal with Skydance that lapsed on Friday.
MEDIA
8. Trump Campaign Mulls Joining TikTok After Wanting to Ban It
TO MEME OR NOT TO MEME
Some advisers think it could help him reach young voters, but the move risks alienating other parts of Trump’s base.
9. Putin Cut Out a Deer’s Heart and Gave It to Berlusconi
HEART OF DARKNESS
“Vladimir showed me a violent nature that I didn’t imagine in such a kind and rational man,” Berlusconi allegedly told a close ally after the incident.
10. Man Dies After Crashing Car Into White House Barrier
HEAD-ON
Officials are investigating it as a traffic incident and said the crash didn’t appear to be politically motivated.
U.S. NEWS
11. Robbery Gone Wrong in Mexico Leaves Two Brothers Dead
DEADLY VACATION
Three bodies—believed to be the brothers and their friend—were found in a well on a clifftop in Mexico.
12. Shore: Simmons Biopic Happening ‘Whether He Likes It Or Not’
GET OVER IT
The comedian said Richard Simmons’ disapproval was “just another f*cking bump in my f*cking road.”
13. Netanyahu: We’re Shutting Down Al Jazeera in Israel
STATIC
Never mind that his own spy chief expressed concern it could affect ceasefire negotiations.
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