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1. Russian Commissar Fired as Half of Drafted Men Sent Home

  SEND IN THE CLOWNS 

The setback is just the latest farce to blight the Kremlin‘s mass military mobilization.

WORLD

2. Irony Meter Explodes: Migrants Lured TO Florida for Cleanup

 OH, NOW YOU NEED THEM 

Venezuelan arrivals said they were approached by a woman offering $15 an hour.

U.S. NEWS

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3. Masked Minecraft YouTube Star Dream Reveals His True Face

 GAME OVER 

The creator, who boasts a 30 million-strong following, said he wanted to start living a more public life.

ENTERTAINMENT

4. Trump Wanted to Cosplay as Superman After COVID, Book Claims

 COMIC RELIEF 

An aide was even sent to buy clothes for the aborted stunt, it’s claimed.

POLITICS

Therabody’s New Device Takes on At-Home Cupping Technology

 CUP O’ RECOVERY 

The new TheraCup from Therabody is built to help your body recover just like a professional cupping session.

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5. Chechen Boss: I’lll Send My ‘Underage’ Kids to Ukraine War

 CHILD SOLDIERS 

The Putin lapdog said “minor age should not interfere with the training of the defenders of our Motherland.”

WORLD

6. Hackers Leak Stolen Data After LA Schools Balk at Ransom

 ‘ABSURD’ 

A cybercrime syndicate called Vice Society claimed responsibility for the sensitive information heist.

U.S. NEWS

7. Spectator Dies After Escalator Fall at Steelers’ Stadium

 AWFUL 

Authorities say the man fell shortly after the game ended.

U.S. NEWS

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8. Woman Recruited to Lure Migrants to Vineyard ID’d: Report

 ‘I WAS LIED TO’ 

The New York Times identified “Perla” as a former combat medic and counterintelligence agent discharged from the U.S. Army last month.

U.S. NEWS

9. 32 Children Among 125 Killed in Indonesia Soccer Stampede

 ‘TRAGEDY BEYOND COMPREHENSION’ 

The disaster began when police used tear gas to stop fans running onto the field.

WORLD

10. Blaze Damages Mark Wahlberg’s Childhood Home in Boston

 NOT SO FUNKY 

Strong winds pushed the fire from building to building as more than 100 firefighters struggled to contain the Sunday inferno.

ENTERTAINMENT

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11. Putin Humiliated as Ukraine Gains Ground in ‘Annexed’ Region

 ALL OVER THE MAP 

Even though four areas were illegally claimed by Moscow last week, Kyiv doesn’t appear to have got the memo.

WORLD

12. Millions of Animals Culled After Record Bird Flu Outbreaks

 FEVER PITCH 

Health authorities say the number of cases of avian flu in 2022 is “unprecedented.”

WORLD

13. ‘Bros’ Star Blames ‘Straight People’ for Dismal Box Office

 ‘IT IS WHAT IT IS’ 

The actor mused in a tweet that “straight people, especially in certain parts of the country, just didn’t show up for Bros.”

ENTERTAINMENT

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