1. Rudy: I Haven’t Gone Off the Rails and I’m Not an Alcoholic

  ‘I DON’T CARE’ 

The former mayor of New York admitted he likes Scotch but has never given an interview drunk.

2. Afghan Girls Robotics Team to U.S. Woman: You Didn’t Save Us

 ‘WHITE SAVIOR’ SYNDROME 

A lawyer for the all-girls team, which safely escaped Afghanistan, has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Allyson Reneau to make her stop bragging about her alleged involvement.

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3. Not Just Celebs: This App Gives Normies a Personal Trainer

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4. Alabama Guv’s Lawyer Nabbed on Child Solicitation Charges

 TROUBLE AT WORK 

Staff lawyer Chase Tristian Espy, 36, was arrested and immediately fired for allegedly trying to solicit a child online.

5. Adam Sandler’s Father-in-Law Caught With Gun in Courthouse

 AS YOU DO 

“It was an accident,” Joseph Titone, who is a lawyer and former Florida House rep, told a reporter.

6. Groceries, Wine, & More Delivered to Your Door—No Fee

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7. Capitol Rioter Charged for Allegedly Beating Cop With Crutch

 BRUTAL 

David Dempsey has been charged with using improvised weapons to attack Capitol police.

8. SCOTUS Strikes Down Biden’s Eviction Moratorium Extension

 VACATED 

Biden’s administration issued the extension to the yearlong moratorium while acknowledging that its legal standing to do so was questionable at best.

9. China Bans Celeb Popularity Rankings to Fight Fandom ‘Chaos’

 NUMBER ONE STAN 

The Chinese government has banned lists ranking celebrities by popularity to “rectify chaos in the fan community.”

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10. JoJo Siwa to Dance With a Woman on ‘Dancing With the Stars’

 ‘SIWA EXCITED!’ 

The Nickelodeon and YouTube star will be the first contestant to compete in a same-sex pair.

11. Scandal-Plagued Jail Where Epstein Died Is Shutting Down

 LOCKED UP 

Federal officials said Thursday that Manhattan’s notorious Metropolitan Correctional Center will be closed “at least temporarily” until conditions there have been improved.

12. ISIS Claims Responsibility for Kabul Suicide Bombings

 WASTING NO TIME 

The terror group’s news agency blasted out a photo of the man it says detonated an explosive belt outside the airport.

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13. Sturgis Rally Linked to 100+ COVID Cases: Health Officials

 STAGGERING 

The rash of cases come after hundreds of thousands of motorcycle enthusiasts contributed to widespread transmission of the virus in the region last year.

14. Video Shows Severe Corrosion in Collapsed Surfside Condo

 WARNING SIGNS 

Experts said that overcrowded reinforcements could have made it difficult for concrete to bond with the steel, creating potential weaknesses in the building.

15. U.S. Gave Taliban List of Americans, Allies in Kabul: Report

 ‘JUST APPALLING’ 

The move was meant to facilitate a speedy evacuation, but some officials say it effectively handed the Taliban a kill list instead.

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