1. MyPillow Guy Loses It as He’s Told He Has ‘Proof of Nothing’

  ‘I’VE SPENT MILLIONS!’ 

Mike Lindell inevitably made a fool of himself trying to defend his latest conspiracy theories.

2. Biden ‘May Pull Federal Funding’ of Vaccine Mandate Holdouts

 NOT MESSING AROUND 

The plan would see funds withheld from institutions that refuse to require vaccines for staff.

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3. These Resistance Bands Help Me Get Back to Going to the Gym

 FEEL THE BURN 

Not only do these resistance bands come with five different levels of resistance, they also have a door anchor that makes for easy setup and takedown.

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4. Allyson Felix Wins Medal No. 10 in Tokyo 400m Final

 NO. 10 

The 35-year-old American, running in her fifth Games, overtakes Jamaica’s Merlene Ottey as most decorated female Olympian on the track—and ties with Carl Lewis in the medal count.

5. Congressman Suing Pelosi Over Mask Fines Gets COVID

 GET WELL SOON 

Rep. Ralph Norman is suing Pelosi over a $500 fine for not wearing a mask on the House floor.

6. I’m Opening a Pizzeria in My Backyard Thanks to This Gadget

 PIZZA PARTY 

The Roccbox has taken my homemade pizzas to the next level.

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7. United Becomes First Airline to Order Staff to Get Vaxxed

 SAFE JOURNEY 

All 67,000 staff members will be required to get their shots by the end of October.

8. 6 Die After Sightseeing Plane Crashes Into Alaskan Mountains

 ‘OUR HEARTS ARE SHATTERED’ 

Five cruise passengers and their pilot lost their lives in the disaster.

9. Five Kids Die in Horrific St. Louis Apartment Fire

 JUST AWFUL 

Their mom, who had left to pick up someone from work, made multiple attempts to save her children, ages 2 to 9.

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10. 1500 Defeat Ends Hassan’s Quest for Unique Olympic Triple

 A RACE TOO FAR 

The Dutchwoman had aimed for an unprecedented distance triple at the Tokyo Games, but could not handle the speed of defending champion Faith Kipyegon.

11. Kanye Levitates, Naps, Runs Like a Ghost at New ‘Donda’ Show

 PUTTING ON A SHOW 

He much more energetic at the second listening party, but “Donda” has still not been released.

12. Taliban Assassinates Afghan Government’s Top Media Officer

 ‘SAVAGE TERRORISTS’ 

The Taliban celebrated the killing, saying that Dawa Khan Menapal was “punished for his actions.”

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13. Drought Shuts Down NorCal Power Plant for First Time Ever

 WATER, WATER, ANYWHERE? 

The reservoir has dropped 250 feet in just the past two years at the tallest dam in the nation.

14. Two Belarusian Coaches Expelled From Olympics

 GET OUT 

Kristina Timanovskaya said she feared for her life after her coaches came to her room to coerce her to return to Belarus.

15. Tokyo Olympics Not a Superspreader Event, Says Japanese PM

 NOT TO BLAME 

Even Emperor Akhito questioned the wisdom of holding an Olympics during a pandemic, but Japan’s prime minister says these Games have not helped spread the coronavirus.

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