1.  Florida Judge Shoots Down DeSantis’ Ban on Mask Mandates

 OVERREACH 

The judge agreed with a group of parents who filed a lawsuit, arguing that DeSantis’ order was unconstitutional.

2.  Vet Dies From Easily Treatable Illness Amid ICU Bed Shortage

  ‘I’M SCARED’ 

“I’ve never lost a patient from this diagnosis, ever,” ER physician Dr. Hasan Kakli said.

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3.  Not Just Celebs: This App Gives Normies a Personal Trainer

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4.  Afghan Girls Robotics Team to U.S. Woman: You Didn’t Save Us

 ‘WHITE SAVIOR’ SYNDROME 

A lawyer for the all-girls team, which safely escaped Afghanistan, has sent a cease-and-desist letter to Allyson Reneau to make her stop bragging about her alleged involvement.

5.  Judge: Man Didn’t Point Gun at Black Teens in Self-Defense

 MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 

The January 2019 incident showed Mark Bartlett hurling racial slurs at a group of protestors. Bartlett claimed he was “being held hostage.”

6.  Groceries, Wine, & More Delivered to Your Door—No Fee

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7.  Zoo Says Chimp-Obsessed Woman Is Not Banned

 TONE IT DOWN 

But it does want her to stop lavishing so much attention on Chita.

8.  Rudy: I Haven’t Gone Off the Rails and I’m Not an Alcoholic

 ‘I DON’T CARE’ 

The former mayor of New York admitted he likes Scotch but has never given an interview drunk.

9.  Idaho Money Man Notches a Win in Land War With Neighbors

 THE FIGHT GOES ON 

Tech founder Michael Boren’s private flights angered some nearby residents.

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10.  School District Ditches Free Meals So Kids Aren’t ‘Spoiled’

 CRUEL 

One official from the Waukesha School District said kids could become “addicted” if the universal free meals program continued.

11.  Single Blast Caused Devastation at Kabul Airport: Pentagon

  FOG OF WAR 

Officials said reports that there were two explosions turned out to be incorrect.

12.  Adam Sandler’s Father-in-Law Caught With Gun in Courthouse

 AS YOU DO 

“It was an accident,” Joseph Titone, who is a lawyer and former Florida House rep, told a reporter.

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13.  China Bans Celeb Popularity Rankings to Fight Fandom ‘Chaos’

 NUMBER ONE STAN 

The Chinese government has banned lists ranking celebrities by popularity to “rectify chaos in the fan community.”

14.  JoJo Siwa to Dance With a Woman on ‘Dancing With the Stars’

 ‘SIWA EXCITED!’ 

The Nickelodeon and YouTube star will be the first contestant to compete in a same-sex pair.

15.  Capitol Rioter Charged for Allegedly Beating Cop With Crutch

 BRUTAL 

David Dempsey has been charged with using improvised weapons to attack Capitol police.

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