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1. Fetterman Sets Record Straight on Speculation He May Switch Parties

 HERE TO STAY 

Pennsylvania Sen. John Fetterman said speculation he might become a Republican is “amateur-hour s---.”

POLITICS

2. Bored German Translator Caught Calling Trump’s Speech ‘S***’ on Hot Mic

 SWEARING IN 

The TV company soon issued a response assuring that this “does not reflect the opinion of the broadcaster.”

POLITICS

This Luxe Houseware Brand Offers a More Elegant Way to Smoke

 HIGH STANDARDS 

NWTN Home’s elevated weed accessories are designed to double as functional home decor.

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3. Trump 2.0 Starts With Prez Flunking Geography Question

 CLOSE ENOUGH 

President Donald Trump gave a worrying answer while discussing Spain’s military spending.

POLITICS

4. WATCH: Mike Tyson Climbs on Jake Paul’s Shoulders as Logan Paul Screams ‘America’ at Inaugural Ball

 HEAVYWEIGHT 

Boxers Jake Paul and Mike Tyson were in high spirits months after a highly contested fight, celebrating Donald Trump’s MAGA victory together.

POLITICS

Elevate Your Workspace With HP’s Newest Laser Printer

 PAPER CHASE 

The HP LaserjetPro MFP 3101sdw is another dependable, high-quality option from America’s premier printer brand.

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5. White House Reporters ‘Privately’ Rejoicing at Biden’s Exit

 ‘THINGS HAVEN’T BEEN GREAT’ 

MAGA 2.0 will likely afford the press corps more chances to speak with—and question—the president.

MEDIA

6. Elon Musk Badgered Trump Into Giving Him White House Pass

 NEW SHERIFF IN TOWN 

The president’s favorite billionaire will no longer be relegated to a different building.

POLITICS

7. Trump Administration Removes Reproductive Rights Website

 ABORT MISSION 

Launched in 2022 as part of a public awareness campaign, the site offered a Know-Your-Rights fact sheet and detailed guidance on accessing abortion care.

POLITICS

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8. Trump Orders Federal Workers Back to the Office

 IN PERSON 

Work-from-home policies lingered after the COVID-19 pandemic.

POLITICS

9. Trump Asks U.S. Troops in South Korea: ‘How’s Kim Jong Un?’

 ROCKET MAN REGARDS 

The president went on to brag about his relationship with the “tough cookie” despot.

POLITICS

10. Trump Marks Return to Office by Waving a Sword Around to ‘YMCA’

 MADE THE CUT 

The commander-in-chief started dancing with the weapon during a ceremonial cake-cutting.

POLITICS

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11. Barron Trump Praised for Being Only First Kid to Shake Hands With Biden

 GENTLEMANLY 

The first son, 18, made the same gesture to Kamala Harris.

POLITICS

12. Trump’s Iconic Diet Coke Button Returns to the Oval Office

 BACK ON THE TABLE 

The presidential office was redecorated for Trump on Inauguration Day.

POLITICS

13. Petty Trump Takes Down Mark Milley’s Pentagon Portrait

 OF COURSE 

It had gone up just ten days ago.

POLITICS

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