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1. Fetterman: I’ll Wear a Suit If We Can Avert a Shutdown
‘JAGOFFS’
The Pennsylvania Democrat pledged to “save democracy” by ditching his signature hoodie-and-shorts ensemble for something a little more snazzy.
POLITICS
2. Hearing Blows Up Over Matt Gaetz ‘Badgering’ Merrick Garland
‘SCREWED THE POOCH’
After steamrolling Garland over unproven claims about China bribing Biden, Gaetz switched gears to Jan. 6 false flag conspiracies.
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3. Poker Player Lied About Cancer to Raise Money: Report
CALLING HIS BLUFF
Rob Mercer apologized for lying to his fans—but said he has no plans to repay the money.
ENTERTAINMENT
4. Auto Giants Announce Layoffs as UAW Strike Continues
‘NOBODY WINS’
Among them, General Motors is stopping production at an assembly plant in Fairfax, Kansas—and laying off roughly 2,000 people.
U.S. NEWS
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5. Epps, Target of Jan. 6 Conspiracy Theories, Pleads Guilty
THEORY DEBUNKED
Tucker Carlson and Joe Rogan promoted the theory after Epps’ image was added and later removed from the FBI’s Capitol Violence database.
6. Schumer Caves in to Tuberville’s Military Promotions Demand
BREAKTHROUGH
The process for voting on the military nominees could begin as soon as Wednesday afternoon.
7. 96-Year-Old Judge Suspended Over Questions of Mental Fitness
MOVE ALONG
The U.S. Court of Appeals for the Federal Circuit prohibited Judge Pauline Newman from hearing cases for a year unless she agreed to medical testing.
8. Woman Gets Stuck in Outhouse Toilet After Climbing in
OH CRAPPY DAY
After the woman was rescued, local police were forced to remind the public not to climb into toilets.
9. GOP Pressing Ex-ESPN Anchor Sage Steele to Run for Congress
‘NO COMMENT’
Steele left ESPN last month after settling a lawsuit over her controversial comments about vaccines and Obama.
MEDIA
10. Rail Firm Halts Some Trains After Spate of Migrant Deaths
‘UNPRECEDENTED’
A day after announcing it would temporarily suspend its northbound services to the U.S. border, Ferromex said it would resume running some cargo trains.
WORLD
11. Paramount+ Pulls Russell Brand’s Stand-Up, Netflix’s Stays
DISAPPEARING ACT
Four women have accused the comedian of sexually assaulting them between 2006 and 2013.
12. White House Asked Ambassador to Stop Mocking China: Report
LOG OUT
Rahm Emanuel has taken to jabbing at President Xi Jinping over social media, speculating about Chinese officials who have lost their jobs under mysterious circumstances.
13. George R.R. Martin Sues OpenAI for Copyright Infringement
STARK RAVING MAD
The Game of Thrones novelist joins dozens of other authors in the lawsuit.
INNOVATION
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