1.  Feds Defend Decision to Nab SBF Before Testimony to Congress

 THWARTED 

The move enraged some lawmakers who were expecting to grill the fallen crypto king under oath on Tuesday.

POLITICS

2.  National Archives Asked to Investigate Trump’s Storage Unit

  IT AIN’T OVER 

Rep. Carolyn Maloney said Trump might still have “presidential records that were not the focus of the search and therefore have not been turned over to the federal government.”

POLITICS

I Put the TikTok-Viral Pheromone Perfume to the Test

  SNIFF ME 

TikTok is enamored with this sex-appeal-boosting pheromone perfume that allegedly helps attract the opposite sex—but does it actually work?

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3.  SBF’s Leaked Congressional Testimony Is a Whiny Blame-Fest

 CRY ME A RIVER 

Forbes obtained a copy of the testimony the fallen crypto king would have given to Congress on Tuesday... if he wasn’t arrested the night before.

U.S. NEWS

4.  DeSantis Makes Absurd Call for Probe on Vax ‘Misconduct’

 DYSTOPIAN 

At a panel with his vax-skeptic surgeon general, DeSantis also announced a “Public Health Integrity Committee” to counter the CDC.

POLITICS

This Wine Purifier Removes Hangover-Inducing Histamines

 WINE-O-MATIC 

Its filter will hold onto sulfites and sediment, leaving the best part for you.

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5.  Idaho Cops Get ‘Viable Tips’ Every Day in Student Murders

 ‘GOOD AMOUNT’ 

The department is still sorting through mounds of tips, some of which are viable, according to Moscow Police, while others are geared toward the rumor mill.

U.S. NEWS

6.  FTX’s SBF Suggests He’ll Fight Extradition From the Bahamas

 FLIGHT RISK 

The fallen crypto king was indicted on eight criminal charges.

TECH

7.  Hotel Employees Suspended After Mark Curry Incident

 FALLOUT 

Curry accused staff of racism after they accosted him in the lobby.

ENTERTAINMENT

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8.  Iowa’s Six-Week Abortion Ban Will Remain Blocked

 ON HOLD 

Abortion is still legal in Iowa through the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.

POLITICS

9.  Top Barbados Court Strikes Down Laws Criminalizing Gay Sex

  LONG OVERDUE 

The ruling makes Barbados the third Caribbean nation to strike down long-standing laws criminalizing homosexuality.

WORLD

10.  Inflation Slows for Fifth Month in a Row

 PROGRESS 

But President Joe Biden warned “normal levels” of inflation wouldn’t return until the end of 2023.

POLITICS

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11.  NASA’s Mars Rover Captures First Sound of Dust Devil

 ALL EARS 

The historic audio will help scientists better understand the planet's atmosphere and winds.

WORLD

12.  New FTX CEO Blasts Bahamas Over Huge Mysterious Transfers

 UNANSWERED QUESTIONS 

Testifying before Congress, John Ray alleged that hundreds of millions of dollars in crypto were transferred to Bahamian authorities without sufficient explanation.

U.S. NEWS

13.  Russia Sounds Alarm Over People Drinking Dead Vermin

 NO MOLES FOR YOU 

The federal consumer protection agency apparently saw a meme on social media and grew concerned about the “ominous” animal becoming a popular alcoholic beverage.

WORLD

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