1.  Capitol Rioter Wielding Wood Plank Gets Harshest Sentence

 BUH-BYE 

Robert Scott Palmer will spend more than five years in federal prison.

2.  New York Man Dies After Police Stun Gun Sets Him Ablaze

  HORRIFYING 

The 29-year-old had doused himself in hand sanitizer just before officers deployed a stun gun.

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3.  For One Day Only, This Cute Kate Spade Satchel Is $280 Off

 AD BY KATE SPADE 

No time to hesitate here; this Daily Deal on a Kate Spade satchel ends tonight.

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4.  Official in Custody Case Calls Kids a ‘Bunch of Morons’

 HOT MIC 

The judicial officer was reportedly caught muttering obscenities under his breath as he listened to two parents pour their hearts out in family court.

5.  NY Times Fires Reporter Who Allegedly Cussed Out Gun Group

 'UNPROFESSIONAL'  

The staffer was cut loose from Wirecutter after allegedly leaving the expletive-laden voicemail following a mass shooting earlier this month.

6.  Truly Last-Minute Gifts You Can Get on Amazon Prime

 HURRY UP 

If you’re an Amazon Prime member, the last day for guaranteed delivery before Christmas is quickly approaching.

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7.  Rod Stewart, Son Plead Guilty to Punching Security Guard

 CROONING IN COURT 

The two faced misdemeanor battery charges over the 2019 episode.

8.  Keith Raniere’s Prison Mate Accused of NXIVM Scam

 FOOL ME ONCE 

An “ardent supporter” of Raniere is said to have wired $500,000 to the fraudulent filmmaker, hoping to see the cult on the big screen.

9.  Trump Claims Jews Had ‘Absolute Control’ Over Congress

 BLOWING THE DOG-WHISTLE 

“The Jewish people, in the United States, either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel,” he said.

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10.  Texas University Replaces Baseball Coach After Racism Claims

 GOODBYE 

Former players accused Rob Penders of using racial slurs and being culturally insensitive.

11.  Roger Stone Shows Up to Plead the Fifth at Jan. 6 Committee

  GET IN, PLEAD OUT 

An hour-and-a-half long deposition came to a quick close on Friday morning as Stone pleaded the Fifth to every question asked of him.

12.  Southwest Airlines Chief Gets COVID After Senate Meeting

 UH-OH 

Kelly tested negative numerous times before the Senate hearing, according to a statement from Southwest.

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13.  Ex-Olympian Accused of Using PPP Loan to Fund Ted Bundy Film

 OLYMPIC FRAUD 

Allison Baver Entertainment claimed to have over 400 employees on a monthly payroll of $4 million when, in reality, it had no employees and no payroll, an indictment alleges.

14.  Quidditch Groups to Drop Name Over J.K. Rowling Transphobia

 DISASSOCIATING 

The two groups also hope the name change will open the door to more sponsorships and broadcast opportunities.

15.  Bag Karl Lagerfeld Carried ‘Daily’ Breaks Record at Auction

 SOLD! 

The late Chanel creative director’s estate has brought in 18.2 million euros.

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