I finished reading Rose Hackman’s book, Emotional Labor, and I’m shook. I think I am a pretty self-aware man, but also that I have a ton to learn. Listening to Lisa and Casile (our daughter) as well as other women such as Hackman, I acknowledge that I am a cis-gender white man who has privilege that I may sometimes take advantage of.
A survey involving more than 1,000 young men from the USA, the UK, and Mexico, revealed that there are 7 pillars to this “man box”.
I’ll quote Hackman:
“The first pillar is self-sufficiency, or the idea that men should be self-reliant emotionally and physically. The second is toughness, understood as the ability to display physical and emotional strength in all circumstances. The third pillar is physical attractiveness, achieved without signaling too much effort. The fourth pillar is fulfilling traditional gender roles, financially providing for a household, and avoiding tasks deemed feminine. The fifth pillar is being both straight and homophobic. The sixth pillar is being hypersexual with no ability to say no. The seventh pillar is having the final say at home, having control over women’s movements, and the belief that violence and aggression are sometimes necessary tools to gain respect.”
Do you live in the man box, or know anybody who is?
The pressure to be in the man box does not just come from within, but there is a lot of societal pressure to live within it.
Of all my cartoons and posts, the ones that get the most kickback are pro-women ones. Any expression of feminist thought gets the worst and most hateful comments and messages.
My LGBTQ cartoons get negative reactions, but not quite as vehemently as my feminist ones.
So that those men (and some women) who insist that the Patriarchy does not exist, I have little hope they are even able to hear otherwise.
Which circles round to what bell hooks says about love.
I believe love is all. We are all deeply connected at a fundamental level. Essentially united as one. The glue is love. So it’s not just a feeling but actions that reflect this underlying reality.
This means all belong and all should enjoy equality which is the essential reality.
Love manifests this oneness.
