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There is a difference between “formal freedom” and “actual freedom“.
Formal freedom is when we are permitted to make choices within a given system or ideology. Actual freedom is when we question the very structure that grants us formal freedom to the point of undermining its power over us all together. Perhaps, like me, you became tired of working within the system, constantly tweaking and reinventing and renovating it, because you eventually realized that we’ve already been doing that forever without any substantial change. Perhaps, like me, you realized that you wanted real freedom, authentic freedom, and actual freedom, and that the only way to do that was to throw the whole system into question by leaving it. Perhaps, like me, your departure from the system was a testimony to your family and friends and the system you left that you believe it had failed and would continue to fail to create the culture of actual freedom. I continue caring about systems such as the church. This is why I continue to raise my voice about it. But I’m not going to pretend it offers total freedom or even safety. I realized, after many, many years of serving it, that I was simply tweaking things to make myself as comfortable as possible and as docile as necessary to survive within it. In effect, I silenced myself so as not to upset the guards and make life more miserable for myself and my family. When I finally realized this... that's when I broke free.
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