| I'm reading James Baldwin's, The Fire Next Time. Wow! I last about a page or two then have to put the book down and just digest what I read. Then I write in my journal. It's so powerful! He talks about sensuality and our fear of it: "To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the breaking of bread... Something very sinister happens to the people of a country when they begin to distrust their own reactions as deeply as they do here, and become as joyless as they have become... The person who distrusts himself has no touchstone for reality- for this touchstone can be only oneself." It hit me hard that I was TAUGHT to distrust myself... to not trust my thoughts, my feelings, my body... and as a result, I lost touch with it. Literally... I lost TOUCH with it. The deep and sensual connective tissue between me and all that was me (my brain, my heart, my body) was gone. Dead! When I left the ministry and the Church in 2010, I had to reestablish a connection. I had to overcome fear, guilt, and shame, in order to do it. I almost had to barge ahead, feeling like I was sinning, in order to heal the connection between me and my body so that I could think my thoughts and feel my feels and live in my body. It really did feel so wrong at first. But when the connection is reestablished, you realize that now you are finally really alive. You're finally awake. You finally think your own thoughts. You finally feel! You see your body! And that makes it worth it. From death to resurrection. Our own personal Easter! Do you struggle with your sensuality? | 
