Anna Duggar Wants You To Read Your Weekly Top Ten

2 jahre vor


Text only:

Display problems? View this newsletter in your browser.




OH LOOK, CHRISTMAS WONKETTE BABY!

Happy weekend after Christmas, Wonk-Wonks! Did Santa bring you all the dildos you asked for? Gee whiz, we hope so, but probably not,
because you’re reading this right now. Maybe you can find some at fire sale prices at the Big Lots after you do your Day After Christmas
Wonkette Reading. Yes, we give you your top ten, even on little holiday weeks, because we love you.

Two things first, though: Have you
subscribed to yr super-fast-like-lightning AD-FREE WONKETTE yet? YOU NEED TO. That way you can read your stories and look at your funny Wonkette pictures without it
crashing your browser with ads for boobs. Click here to see how!

Another thing you can do is just throw us some general dollars, because you love us. So click here and give us $5, $10, or $25, as a special end of the year present, so we can start 2016 right. What’s
that? You need another new picture of Wonkette Baby, while you are searching your fanny pack for your wallet? Go look at this one, then come back and throw your spare change at us!

CLUNK CLUNK, that is the sound of your money
hitting us on our noses, WHICH HURTS. THROW PAPER CURRENCY.

Okay, here is your day-after-Christmas reading list,
chosen as usual by the sciences:

1. For this week’s Off The Menu, it was restaurant customers who REALLY, really (really really) weren’t supposed to eat that.

2. Anna
Duggar is pretty certain Jesus will keep Josh’s Duggar Dick in his pants from now on. She’s wrong, probably, but
that’s on her at this point.

3. Fox News: President Obama AGAIN proves how out of touch he is, by saying facts, and then being black again.

4. Bernie Sanders did a bad, will have to sue his way to the White House now. Except he won’t anymore, because the Democrats kissed on
the mouth and had make-up sex and everything is fine now.

5. Epic Comment Fight Of The Week: NO ONE IS SAFE! (Trigger warning, for trigger warnings.)

6. Mike Huckabee is very sad how everybody hates him so much now, including his Lord And Savior Jesus Christ.

7. According to a stupid white man,
ALL OF AMERICA is boycotting the Sam’s Club, because its CEO is so racist toward The Whites.

8. This Ted Cruz ad was just like a fake SNL ad, except for how it was bullshit and not funny.

9. Carly Fiorina admits she was wrong, which means she was right, IN YOUR FACE, SO THERE, SUCK IT.

10. And finally,
OF COURSE Ted Cruz is That Guy who will spoil “Star Wars” forever, because he is an asshole.

So there you go,
Wonkers. That’s your assigned reading for Crimmus weekend.

Now you have one task left, and one task
only. You should follow us on the FaceSpace, if you have a face and it is on The Space. It’s one of the best ways to always be on top of
what’s going on at Wonkette, ooh we like it when you’re on top. Oh, and hey dumb dumb, are you following your Wonkette on Twitter? WELL,
GET ON IT IF YOU AREN'T.

Now if you already forgot, you
can still SEND
US FIVE BUCKS,
 do not worry! If you prefer to send us money via snail mail, you can do that
too! We have a PO Box now! How exciting is that! Checks (payable to Rebecca Schoenkopf, because “grifting”) can be sent
to PO Box 8765, Missoula, MT, 59807. Nice, huh?

Now get out of here and go buy those clearance dildos.

Love,

Evan and the rest of the Wonkettes,
and also Wonkette Baby.

 

 

 


Thank you for reading Wonkette. We love
you. 


Unsubscribe
Wonkette.com


Teilen Sie diesen Newsletter

© 2018