Oh gosh I don’t believe I am ici ! For tous, for mes acteurs, bien sûr, Sandra you know I t’aime. Swann. Le chien. Sandra. Oh, I have déjà parlé de Sandra. It’s because, you know, I am so in my crise de la quarantaine, but with the award I feel much very mieux.
Oh the year it has been. No not lancez la musique. Je n’ai pas remercié all the crew. The cast. Sandra. And Emmanuel. You know, our president. Not in jail yet like yours. I mean, the former you have. Emmanuel Macron is famous chez nous because he fucked up with when to retire. Les retraites. Putain si vous aviez vu le bordel. Here in Hollywood you have no idea because you don’t retire. You simply Botox.
At first, it’s true I was nasty when I got the award in the Festival de Cannes. The president got an award too. My coup de pied aux fesses. So he banned me from the Oscars race. Well he tried. He took the worst film of cinéma français and he put it in my place. So I don’t come to the Oscars and make la razzia sur all the récompenses.
Anyway, now Macron likes me. On Twiter, aways he congratulates. Almost il va me faire la bise. We are potes, which is sympa because the CNC gives mucho for finance. Plus now I feel good because Steven Spielberg he wants me writing for him. I said OK OK. I can write a good scenario, not the shitty ones you have here. I just need to get in my kitchen stuck with my life partner and ça repart en vrille.
But attention, no one touche au script. In France, we have the respect for the authors. We don’t have good retraites, but we have the CNC. That’s why the crise de la quarantaine, finally, I supporte the pain. Also, in France, you don’t fear when you are an artist. You can tout vous permettre. You can chier à la gueule de Macron, he will still give you mucho CNC so you can come back to Hollywood with Sandra and Swann and le chien and récup la statuette.
Didier Jacob
Réac, romantique et « fils de » : qui est vraiment Sylvain Tesson, l’écrivain préféré des Français ? 
